


All of these Tireless Nights

by unevenstar



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apartment, Bar, Car drives, Comfort/Angst, Cuddling, Dialogue-Driven, Dysfunctional Family, Fluff, Fluffy, Friends to Lovers, Guitars, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mild Angst, Music, Musicians, Mutual Pining, Piano, Pining, Sappy, Shapeshifting, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Sleepiness, Slow Burn, Supernatural Elements, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Vampire Bites, Vampires, Yearning, brief adultery, city by the sea, family fight, family troubles, from an rp with a friend, ftm romania, hetalia AU, less edgy norway, mentions of adultery, singer - Freeform, the fantasy elements are on the small side, this fic is my baby, trans!romania, transgender romania
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 23,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23900872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unevenstar/pseuds/unevenstar
Summary: Sometimes, it's hard to remember where you belong to when all you do is try to forget. // Vasile and Steinar, set in a human world with their differences setting them apart. Each day is unique as a city by the ocean offers them new hopes and fresh starts, and it is their duty to reap them. Yet through the tangles of busy life is emotion, emotion that brings people together and drives them apart. And soon, Vasile and Steinar's life will be interrupted by what they run away from every single day.
Relationships: Norway/Romania (Hetalia)
Comments: 70
Kudos: 28





	1. A Few Lost Chances

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snorikefjell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snorikefjell/gifts).



Did Vasile Ionescu ever tell you about his hometown? How life seemed to teem from it in every single corner, and how the buzz of people and culture never seemed to stop? His worst and best memories were carved there, right in the heart of the city. Its stories would roll off the tongue like a song; Vasile’s tales, and his family’s too. Countless lucky ones made their living here in the years in many ways available. Vasile considered himself and his family clan one of the more peculiar ones. He decided that one should wait a minute before seeing why. 

The night around them buzzed with life. Tourists flocked in and out of restaurants and nightclubs, some with shopping bags hanging from their arms and others holding lover’s hands. It was hard to differentiate between resident and traveller, and with new people abundant, that made the human experience here so unique. Vasile breathed in the tropical night air from the sea nearby, and it enticed him, in a way that made his stomach growl. Not for food, per se, for he had eaten several hours earlier. It was for something else, because it was that time of the month again. Vasile groaned and sat on a nearby bench. 

Having taken this walk alone, Vasile hadn’t expected a friend to have crossed paths with him. With a confident, cool composure and a smooth, flowing gait, Vasile saw Steinar, who was more than someone he knew. His stark blond hair made him stand out under the sunset, and he had eyes like the sea. Vasile always thought that his eyes were the best part of him. 

Vasile stood on the sidewalk by the sea and gave a quick wave. No one would like to spend an evening in such a city alone, and for that very reason he had his friend Steinar. They’d known each other for years, having grown up together and gone to the same schools. _How did they stay friends together for so long?_ Vasile had no clue, and instead tasted the salt tang in the air. Summer nights were his favorite time of the year, but these nights were his least favorite time on the month. _What a horrible pairing,_ Vasile thought bitterly, yet soon he’d be fed and it would all be over. 

Seagulls crowed in the distance above the din of conversation and traffic. Steinar looked up from where he stood on the sidewalk and grinned when he saw Vasile. He broke off into a jog to join him, weaving through the throngs of people to meet him on the bench. Without a tired huff to be found, Steinar placed his hands on the other's shoulders. "Vasile! So glad to have found you." 

For Steinar, being with friends was like a fresh breath of air, and now he could forget about whatever problems cycled in his life. The taller man had similarly grumbled to himself and tried to enjoy the view, pondering about how he was kicked from his last part-time job recently, them having "found someone better." Not like Steinar enjoyed cleaning someone’s nasty house anyway. No time to dwell on such subjects - Vasile interrupted Steinar’s thoughts as he did. 

"It's either you or the lady over there in the pink," Vasile said with a sigh, gesturing to a woman in a vibrant neon catsuit with a designer purse in her hand. _Skipping the greetings?_ It was a thought both of them acknowledged, but Steinar easily understood. He laughed lightly as Vasile attempted to apologize. “Yeah, I get that a lot from you.”

"Didn't want to lose you here. Not now, at least." Vasile offered a tired smile from the sluggishness of needing blood. "If we could run one more errand...tonight. I need it, and you definitely know which one." 

Vasile always felt a sense of obliged guilt in doing what he needed, but if he got over with it quickly then it wouldn't be brought up for another month. If only he had been born as something else, like Steinar was as a shapeshifter. _How convenient it would be to change forms whenever you need it._

Steinar considered his friend’s ruminations and tapped his temple. This was something regular, along with their other strange part time gigs and hustles to get by. It was if some god in the sky had cursed all the Differently Abled humans, as they were called, with as many minor inconveniences as possible. “Well, I’m suggesting we just go now. I know how much you need this.” Steinar looked Vasile in the eye sincerely. “If it’s a bit more than usual, you can take mine...not like it matters. It’ll come back to me. Anything for a friend."

The city around them buzzed, unaware of the microcosm of exchange and life that happened in the moment. Two people, simply trying to get by and reap the opportunities presented to them. Sights, smells, and sounds - all of them fell short of where Vasile and Steinar laid their scene. 

Vasile shifted around nervously as he heard Steinar’s next question, a simple: "How much do you need?" 

There was no response. 

"If it’s a lot…” 

In a huff of air, Vasile finally responded. “Yes. It’s _a_ _lot_. More than usual.”

Keeping himself from revealing a reaction, Steinar simply nodded as Vasile scanned the busy city. This was the equivalent of simply finding something to eat for him, so Steinar would bite back his comments just as a gesture. He knew how much Vasile was bothered by this alone. 

Vasile had lost track of the woman in pink...but it wouldn’t be easy to snag her anyway. Things like this took effort, and effort prevented the impending guilt of taking his friend’s blood. Too bad Vasile had put this off to the last minute. _Again._ For the third time in a row. 

“I don’t know...” Vasile muttered, avoiding Steinar’s curious gaze. “Maybe we should continue looking. You’ll turn into something, knock them out, and we can bring them back from there.” 

But it was really crowded. Laws still applied to the two of them, obviously, so that wouldn’t work the best. Steinar sighed as he also looked around the city. Although it had its promises, tonight was not the night for them. He stood up and beckoned Vasile to do so as well. "There's no chance to look for someone now. So just take mine.”


	2. Vasile Makes It Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dramatic saga of “Vasile, why did you do this to yourself” continues and Steinar cultivates a crisis in himself.

At this, Vasile opened his mouth in protest, ready to leap on the moment and stop him from ever saying a phrase like that again. Was he kidding? The night was young and the air was fresh, like the blood he could get. It didn’t matter who. Just not his friend, again. “Steinar, I promi-”

With a weak smile, Steinar stopped him. “I'll be alright. Just make sure to tell me before you get so starved again. I'll help you look for someone. Now...just follow me, and you can take mine, okay?" 

“I... _ can’t.”  _ Frustrated, Vasile kicked the floor. This, he hated - Hated it all because he could not control it. Vasile understood Steinar was accepting of whatever move he made next, ready for the pain and the lightheadedness for hours that followed. Steinar literally had said yes, so what was there to worry about?

“Come on, let’s get it over with. For a month.” The man answering Vasile was sincere: This wasn’t a battle worth fighting for and nor would it ever be. So Vasile should just take the opportunity and silence himself. Steinar offered a smile to his friend before leading him to a less crowded area behind a closed bakery. It was a secluded alleyway right under the sky, a straight two-way path connecting one street to another. There were a few dumpsters, but otherwise, nothing stirred. 

"No one’s here; just go ahead,” Steinar said, because he wanted to get over with it, too.

Vasile lowered his voice in fear his outburst would draw attention to them. His tone was flimsy, like a child being introduced to his new class. "...Okay. So, where do you want it? The wrist or the neck?" 

Steinar watched Vasile flush a little bit with what he guessed was shame. And he heard what might have been a grumbling belly.    


“This won’t happen next time, I swear. It’ll be someone else and-” With a quick hand on the shoulder, Vasile was silenced. 

“It’s alright. Just breathe,” Steinar murmured. The worst thing he wanted was for Vasile to feel bad about this. To Steinar, his emotions were validated and it was just a part of not being completely human. Sometimes, he longed to tell Vasile that he didn’t have to try to be one, either, and instead just be what was natural. Vasile, with that wide-eyed gaze, looked at Steinar expectantly, and Steinar realized that he hadn’t answered the original question. Typical of him.

“I don't know, whichever finds you most convenient or full.” It was as simple as that. “I don't want you to starve too early next month, Vasile." Steinar smiled at his friend, who was still filled with regret. "You know I look out for you."

_ "And sometimes, I don't know how you do." _ It was a whisper, but maybe Vasile had spoken loud enough for Steinar to hear. He bit his lip. The wrist was awkward and always would be, yet it didn’t suggest anything more. It was indirect and did the job well. The neck was so much comfortable, having more space to work with but with it carried another weight. Before, with Steinar, it had always been the wrist but...Vasile’s belly rumbled - best he picked one already.

"Alright. Steinar, take a deep breath in and close your eyes."

Vasile took a quick chance to prepare mentally as he watched Steinar follow his word. His hands twitched with anticipation. As if to relax himself, Vasile’s unfortunate, frequent victim brought both his hands to his sides, still as a marble statue and as composed as one, too.

"Go ahead.” Steinar was growing nervous with each passing minute; Vasile hadn't taken up his hand.  _ Don't tell me he was heading for his neck, _ he thought anxiously while sucking in deep breath. And Vasile? The pain had become so pressing and so urgent that he dove in, putting a hand in to support Steinar’s head.  _ Screw the wrist. Food comes first. _

Steinar gasped, trying to quiet himself down in utter disbelief. Vasile barely heard him, because there was nothing more satiating than when he found a spot to bite down and drink. It was a euphoric feeling to be rendered full again, but Vasile still took all his effort not to hurt Steinar any more than he needed to. This was the moment, with the liquid of life running on Vasile’s tongue and going down his throat. He felt alive.

Vasile’s fangs dug inside Steinar, drinking his blood and sapping him of his energy at a vicious pace. It was a feeling he could never get used to, even if Vasile had never planned again around it during the coming months. Steinar put a shaking hand on Vasile’s shoulder, trying to stabilize himself; the pure shock could send him crashing onto the floor. It hurt, the little knives piercing into his skin and shifting around. Every subtle movement caused Steinar to flinch, making the wound even worse. 

_ "Vasile-" _ Steinar choked out, wondering if the other had gotten enough. But Vasile was only  _ mostly  _ full now, for this was like eating. One couldn't stop once having begun, and after a certain, gluttonous point it usually became shameless. However, this was Steinar, his friend who continually sacrificed for him. Waited for him when turmoil rocketed his family. Stayed with him for years upon years. So feeling Steinar distress, Vasile eased off, brushing the last stream of blood away from the punctures on Steinar’s neck. He swallowed the rest of it before huffing out a "sorry".

_ It really did feel good to be full. _


	3. Doing Other Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vasile heals Steinar's physical wound, but forgets that most things don't lie skin-deep. ((god i have no control; i'm supposed to publish these in week-long increments and not every time i finish the chapter ahead))

The raw pain struck Steinar even as Vasile had pulled his fangs out, and his vision was beginning to betray him. Was he standing? Yes, he was standing, and in front of him was Vasile and he was still squeezing onto his shoulder for dear life. Steinar let go, realizing his knuckles had been lead white: Vasile had never once complained about that pain. There was so much about being him, seeing the world through his pair of eyes that Steinar could never fathom. So he opened his eyes, gently touching his sore neck right about the punctures. In fear of infection, he didn’t dare touch them itself. 

_ But Vasile...He chose the neck. _

If he had the energy, Steinar would probably be blushing right now.  _ What...did that feel like? _ Feeling took too much effort. He attempted to focus on Vasile’s gaze, empty like his but filled in another dimension with an emotion Steinar could not sense. But there were bite marks on there now. No matter how Vasile treated them, they would always be there - like a permanent tattoo indented onto the skin. 

"I…” Steinar’s eyes fluttered. “I hope that...satisfied you, at least." 

Saying those words let a nervous energy flood into Steinar. His awareness heightened about his surroundings, hyperfocused on the endless possibilities that awaited him. "Now come on, we better get out of here before anyone thinks we're doing  _ other things."  _

He started on walking back to the sidewalk, but hesitated when he realized Vasile wasn’t following him. 

"Other things?" Vasile asked. 

"You know what I'm talking about." Steinar hushed.  _ How would they best fit into the crowd? _

For Vasile, it was best not to linger on these subjects; as he decided to follow Steinar back onto the sidewalk and into the open night. Yet just as they were about to step onto the sidewalk, Vasile whirled around and stopped him. "I-We forgot-" 

Steinar slowly came to the same realization Vasile did, because blood dribbling down one’s neck wasn’t exactly subtle.  _ Not in public. Not in public.  _ Vasile turned to him in a whirl.  _ "I need to heal that scar for you before I run out of time.” _

A mistake had been made: his eyes watching but his mind not thinking. That's when Steinar gasped as he looked back. "Shit…Can’t we go back to my place first?” Steinar asked. From his prior experience, it was just a simple spell and wound, for the most part, closed up on its own. The entire area just throbbed and hurt, so it was easy to forget the blood starting to drip out of the punctures; soon they’d be on his shirt. From prior experience, Steinar knew it wasn’t easy to clean out. Today, again, he’d trust Vasile because he didn’t want anything to go wrong. 

“No,” Vasile said. “We won’t have enough time. Steinar swallowed, carefully putting a hand on Vasile’s shoulder. There was no putting this back now. "Okay...you can do it.” 

Steinar’s voice was quiet, almost a mutter, as he moved the collar of his shirt away from his neck. Hopefully it would be easier for Vasile to clear up the scar this way, and hopefully easier meant faster. "It won't take long right?"

“I guess,” Vasile answered; Steinar wasn’t wrong in any way. The process for healing the neck was different from the wrist for some very wrong reasons, because the wrist was simply so distant in nature. One had to think of the movies, with horribly-portrayed vampires that made Vasile cringe. They were always dark, brooding, edgy men written for teenage girls, but the one thing they got right was that the biting on the neck was...romantic. God, even something  _ more. _

"I have to uh,  _ kiss _ it, i-if you don't....If you don't mind." Vasile panicked.  _ Oh fuck. _ It was best to avoid these situations and prolong them to the end of the month, and hopefully there would be another victim. Yet today? He couldn’t get around it, because Vasile Ionescu had once again been what he was at heart; another master procrastinator.

"I mean…it’s just a quick kiss, right?” Steinar said. All he had to do was trust his friend and do what he said. “Just do it then, it’s not like it means anything else."

Vasile tapped his foot on the ground, running through scenarios on how to best approach this. It was getting dark out, for real - soon, it would be unsafe for non-human folk to be around. Time was ticking with every moment he waited, and soon he wouldn’t even know if anything would work. Beside him, Steinar tried to smile, but it was giving out; all he had to do was refuse to let his cheeks flush pink. 

"It’s not anything sexual..." Steinar muttered, trying to convince himself that it was that simple, that it wouldn't be Vasile shoving him against a wall and doing unspeakable things, which would more than obviously cause problems between them.  _ "Just hurry." _

_ Sexual? _ Vasile let out a flightly laugh; he really hoped that "sexual" was very loosely defined in Steinar’s book. This added onto the reasons why he had never fed himself via neck for so long. Just because it was convenient he had so  _ impulsively  _ chosen it, and with impulse came a price to pay.  _ Again _ . But was it just convenience? Vasile didn't dwell on it for very long before hovering over the bloodied site, giving the punctures a long drag with his tongue.


	4. Not That Simple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few regrets are shared between the two of them, but when did that ever mean the story was over?

As Steinar felt part of his friend’s face press into his neck, he had a sinking realization that this was not what typical friends did. They weren’t fully human, but that didn't change a single thing about it. A heat rose up into his face and he kept his gaze lifted, above Vasile, and above the work he wasn’t supposed to interrupt.

“Is it good now?” Was all Steinar said. Over and over again, he replayed the fact that  _ kissing was nowhere near licking _ and he had a right to worry over it. This was a scar; how was that supposed to heal through... _ saliva?  _ What if Vasile had done this on purpose? The thought made Steinar blush a mad, hot red, and standing so close to Vasile made his heart flutter. Vasile didn’t look up right away, as if he was muttering something to himself. Hopefully, the discomfort of the entire situation would rid itself naturally - Steinar decided to fill the silence. “If not, it’s...fine. It’ll get better by itself or we can do this later. Let’s not get worked up on it too much.” 

_ Worked up?  _ The heat in Steinar’s face refused to leave, and the repeats of the scene moments before permeated his head.  _ Not a kiss, not a kiss not a kiss notakissnotakiss.  _

The wall around them was cold and the night had begun to settle in. Outside of the alleyway, the stars had been drowned out by the chaotic streetlights and the loud rush of cars from place to place. It was almost dizzying. Yet in all honesty, Steinar and not Vasile was the worked-up one. Even Vasile in his trance-like state knew that; heart pounding focus hazy as he simmered in emotion. It was so weird when Steinar spoke on and on like that, as if he was trying to comfort himself. But why would Steinar need comforting? Vasile refocused - the both of them were feeling a whirling nervous anxiety. Frantic because of a situation Vasile had so stupidly created for them.

"I mean...I can explain..." Vasile hastily got the last taste of blood out of his mouth. There was a reason - his mother had told him years ago that there was, and he trusted her enough. Yet the reasons were coated in flimsy, whimsical fantasy stories and lore from years and years ago; Vasile had every reason to doubt. He decided to change the topic. "Do you need anything? Like...shapeshifters need things too." 

More often than finding new victims for Vasile (the same victim, really), they were finding treatments for the aftereffects of Steinar's shapeshifting and other odd knicknacks, the rare, spontaneous non-human types needed. 

"It’s alright." Steinar said simply, patting the other's shoulder lightly. He jerked back his hand soon enough, looking down more so at the floor than the man in front of him. "No, no, I’m fine, I got some things earlier to help. I'll be alright." 

_ So  _ stupid, Steinar thought to himself. Everything he said made all the little scenarios that could happen ever so worse. Yet Vasile watched as Steinar offered a little smile to him. And in a different way, Vasile understood, heart heavy with shame now coursing through his veins - he’d ruined it. Regardless of this emotional fight with himself taking a toll, the day was almost over and soon, there’d be nothing left to do. 

“Alright,” Vasile responded.  _ Simple enough. _

Although Steinar was growing nervous himself, he brought himself to check back on Vasile. "Do you want to stay with me?" 

Yes, this was out of nowhere, Steinar admitted, but it was getting dark fast and his... _ friend’s  _ safety was a concern. The later it got, the more dangerous it was - there were gangs and illegal bounty hunters roaming the streets for Differently Ableds, wanting to steal them for their powers and other unspeakable things. Steinar shuddered as he felt Vasile’s curious gaze; wide brown eyes that transcended skin and went straight into the heart. So he corrected himself: "If you'd like, of course. It’s late, and I want to make sure you stay safe too. You know." 

Vasile gave him a little nod in confirmation. He instinctively drew his arms into his chest. 

“If not,” Steinar continued, with a little tremble in his chest, “You can go. Just be sure of  _ you know what _ ."

Ah, yes - Vasile’s dysfunctional family he could never run away from. A father who was never home, a lonely mother, and a misunderstood teenage little brother all added up for chaos. He never liked talking about them or bringing it up for all the right reasons, really: Some things were better left unsaid, and his vampire bite would join the long, growing, neverending list. All of this made his head pound. 

“I-I’ll go.” Vasile cringed at how rude he sounded. He didn’t need to hurt Steinar any more than he had, physically and perhaps emotionally - _ what was Vasile doing? _ With a shaky breath, he nodded at Steinar, wishing him well and for whatever future they would partake in. Vasile’s steps echoed in the alleyway like a reminder of what he did, but that didn’t mean that he had to turn back, right? Between the feelings that pulsed and hummed and burned, one emerged as the evident victor: The one so uneloquently titled,  _ Why the hell did I do this? _

Steinar watched him go, a new page of his life’s storybook open. The author, wherever they were, had begun to write and write so fast he, the character, couldn’t keep up with it.  _ Vasile chose the neck.  _ So vividly he remembered the painful sensation of the bite, the pull of blood leeched out of his body by a friend. Over and over again, no matter how many times it needed to be done, why did it feel like pure electricity? Vasile may have taken his leave, but he had stayed in his heart. Lips on his skin, those hazy auburn eyes...No, no. Steinar shook his head and watched Vasile cross the street thirty feet away from him. It was time for him to go home, too - friends would part yet they’d meet again the next day.

Both of them thought of the next day...the next day, and what it would bring again. New chances and new ways to fall, but this was Steinar and Vasile one talked about. They always had a way to get up again. 


	5. Late Nights to Early Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steinar's sleepy internal thoughts drift about for a chapter.

The clock on Steinar’s nightstand read 2:40 in the morning. His eyes refused to close, staring at the vast emptiness that was his ceiling. Little lights danced about in the darkness of his vision - one’s blood, running through the expanse of vessels in the eye. They seemed to tempt him, pulsing in reds and blues and greens, spiraling in and out of control. Just as Steinar had fallen forward and never gotten up that night. His arms flopped out on the bed, as if reaching, waiting for the embrace of another. Would it be Vasile? Vasile, as short as he was, leaning on his chest, resting his head so securely-

Steinar flipped over to his side; it was  _ too damn late _ for this. What was he, a middle schooler pining over his first crush? He almost laughed at himself; middle school seemed like an infinitely long time ago. It was a land where immaturity became the champion explanation for everybody’s actions. 

Before, he had been Andrada. Andrada Sofia Ionescu with the low, messy ponytail and the baggy clothing, always with a determined, fixed look on his...no,  _ her  _ face. She was long gone now, Vasile having transitioned as he got older.  _ Only the remnants remain,  _ Vasile liked to say. Everything else of  _ her _ he left behind to become what he truly was meant to be. 

It was like a friendship made in heaven - after elementary school, which Steinar only dimly remembered, they had clung together like magnets. The somewhat feminine Steinar and the tomboy Andrada, the almost-misfits if it weren’t for their standout personalities, came together. Vasile’s mother had always attempted to get her child to dress nicer, to look prettier, and to simply be more of a  _ woman. _ Steinar’s parents, for the most part, had left him alone as he matured to their tastes - yet Steinar understood that being transgender was not something you simply grew out of. For it was discovery, a long and hard process that would leave you bewildered, upset, and frustrated. 

There were late-night phone calls, rambles, where the unsure Andrada could speak for hours. Patiently, Steinar listened, yet he worried for his friend and her health. So, in eighth grade, Andrada ditched her name, with a simple announcement to the kids at her cafeteria table. Obviously, the teachers continued to call her as such, but with her friends, things had shifted completely.  _ It’s he and him now, not that stupid she-her. I’ll only give you two chances if you screw it up. _ Sometimes, he gave more than two chances to his friends, and sometimes, there were questions - Questions about a changing identity only he could answer.

And regardless, Steinar was proud of him; the journey was not his to explain or attempt to take, but rather, it was his responsibility and pride to celebrate it. With young Andrada, it had only just begun. 

Steinar flipped his pillow over to the cool side and breathed. Andrada meant “man”.  _ The man I’m meant to be.  _ And so, Andrada became Vasile, the name of a king sitting atop his throne. He was always a prince, though, but with this coronation ceremony, Vasile became the name of a monarch who reigned Steinar’s life. 

A smile played on the man’s face as he recalled this, the pride on his friend’s face after finding the perfect, new name for him. It had been after so much searching, looking, and scouring the web forums for them and their meanings. Yet it paid off - it always had. To make Vasile feel validated in his own skin...it was the most rewarding feeling in the world. 

But the carpet had been snatched from underneath them, because things were worse in high school: Vasile would double over from wearing his binder for too long, and Steinar had to convince him to go without it for some time, because the strain was just too much.  _ I’d rather be in pain than be dysphoric. _

_ “You don’t have to hurt all of the time.”  _ Steinar’s tired eyes widened as he found himself saying his line out loud.  _ “I don’t want you to fall down again.” _

Romance, albeit short-lived or wild and passionate, was an integral part of high school life. Steinar only had one boyfriend - a wild guy named Matthias, yet things didn’t work out between them after a year and they settled on being friends.  _ Rather mature of him, _ Steinar silently commented. He had a girlfriend a few months after - a girl named Tuuli, the sweetest soul he’d ever met, who baked him sweets every Friday. Yet she had her own problems to work out, and Steinar knew that - so it was best to let her go no matter how much she protested at the time. Steinar realized he was lucky when Vasile had lost a girlfriend once she learned he was trans. The two of them never made contact again, compared with Steinar’s eighty texts a day from Matthias or Tuuli sending him recipes for cookies. 

But Vasile’s relationships...none of them were particularly intimate. Steinar secretly thought that they were either for show or for purely physicality. But that? The thoughts of doing naughty things never settled completely with Vasile for more reasons than one. Steinar had simply accepted this as a fact and moved on.

However, the two of them were currently single - not seeing or considering to see anybody. Upon recognizing this, Steinar felt a little rush in his body, soul, and mind. Who was Vasile to make him feel like he was young, naive, and thirteen? Steinar let out a chuckle, arms and legs flopped open as if waiting for the world to hit him with whatever it wanted.

Vasile...His hair always smelled like fresh flowers, and with it came a vibrant aura that seemingly offset his appearance. Vasile’s eyes were sunsets when dusk had begun to settle in - warm, yet never overbearingly so; there was always a twinkle of darkness in them. Tonight, however, it had been more of a twinkle. Steinar’s fingertips found their way at the two little indentations on his neck, the punctures now having healed as Vasile promised. He traced the outlines of them, remembering the other’s lips against his skin and that  _ gaze.  _

It was the gaze that saw through everything. Steinar hoped that it wouldn’t pierce through to see his want, too. 


	6. Music to the Ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vasile, by himself, with his family nearby.

“Shut up _. Please.”  _

Aurel, currently fifteen years old and in a teenage crisis, rolled his eyes. Vasile could only look at him for a second before silencing himself from saying another word. If his little brother wanted it that way, then it was fine. Vasile hated being home - every minute of being there, he felt like his household would tear itself apart. The only person that wanted to see him was his mother, and even she sometimes regretted her decision of inviting him back. Vasile walked up the stairs and back into his old childhood bedroom, a wave of memories hitting him before he decided to sit down on the plush, tired blue carpet. He traced little circles into the fabric with a sigh, hearing a slam of a door from a few rooms next to him and an angry scream, followed by more tears. Vasile, in all honesty, had it a lot easier than Aurel did. Aurel was too busy trying to be the star of the family because Vasile had certainly  _ not _ been; this situation wasn’t working given how hard things were getting for him. Aurel was constantly stressed, dragging his feet to do every small task. He’d whine at times, but usually he shut himself up. Hence the loud outbursts which couldn’t be controlled.

Maybe his mother would come up soon, ask how he was doing - or rather, the three of them would prefer to hold their silence. Ah, yes - that was how it went.

Vasile stared at the ceiling, its white, empty expanse telling him nothing as he stood back up. His father was away often, as he was now. It was getting hard to raise Aurel alone, so Vasile had to give his mother some credit. Although she slapped a lot of work onto her sons often, she tried really hard to love them in every way as well. She was a good mother at heart.

This was never the home he wanted to return to...which was why he spent nights at Steinar’s place so often. He didn’t mind, and neither did Vasile; it worked out for years, until now. Vasile groaned and opted to flop on his bed, feeling all the air come out from within him. It was that  _ stupid goddamn vampire bite _ . His mother, brother, father, and him all having the shared curse from Transylvania in the tenth century, where they were compelled to grab people and suck their blood. Some vampires had it better than others - Vasile had to drink pretty frequently while his mother only needed to do so once a year. So kidnappings were only registered  _ after  _ 24 hours, because there was always a possibility it was just a hungry vampire following rules and regulations the best they could.

What was it like being a shapeshifter? Vasile’s mind drifted from place to place as his eyes barely focused at the view in front of her. Rather spontaneous and exciting, probably, until the pain kicked in. Once, Steinar had been unable to get out of bed for a day because he had spent the night as a bear; a high-energy form compared with a mouse or a butterfly. They had scared children on Halloween that night several years ago, so that was why. Vasile grinned as he remembered the terrified screams of the neighborhood kids scrambling back to their parents, wetting their pants. They didn’t call animal control on Steinar, thank god - if they handled him for too long, he would probably switch back and get arrested for misuse of powers. On the other hand, however, Steinar had once curled up as a mink around Vasile’s neck like a scarf in the cold, warming him up and giving the two of them a good laugh. 

He hadn’t transformed a lot lately, though. Perhaps it was the wear and tear catching up to him already, that older people were less likely to shapeshift because of the physical demand? Vasile didn’t know anything, once again. There were just too many reasons. He sat up and stretched, looking at the dying light of day outside the window. 

_ Shit. _

Vasile let out an ugly groan when he realized that there was no avoiding Steinar - as broke college students, they had decided to get together for a gig tomorrow that involved Steinar singing, playing the guitar, and Vasile backing him up on the piano. They were going to perform at a local bar for two hours…Fuck,  _ why? _ Vasile got up. Damn, he needed to rehearse, so he quickly texted Steinar to ask if he had been practicing. Steinar replied with a simple  _ yes. _ Vasile was disappointed he hadn’t got much out of him, so he shut off his phone and clambered downstairs to the piano. It was the one he played on as a child, and the one Aurel had tried to appreciate as well, but failed to. Lazily, Vasile played a few scales and arpeggios to warm up his fingers, travelling up and down the keyboard with a languid grace from years of practice. They would be covering a few songs, and Steinar wrote a few of his own some time ago to be reused again. Thank god for creativity and talent, right?

His mother heard him playing - Vasile could hear her smiling, which was rare. She sat down on the couch beside him and watched her son perform. The real piano felt sturdy under his fingers compared to the keyboard in the college dorm, but it was summer now. That was the school year, and being home for this...it was a comfort. Forget Steinar, his mother, his future. The piano was enough for Vasile to escape, even if just for less than an hour. 

Even Aurel came downstairs without his headphones. Vasile closed his eyes: this was enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I was finishing up RomNor week and school, so here we go. :)


	7. Rehearsal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short little chapter, hopefully it can keep things going :)

Steinar pulled out the keys and stepped through the car door - the bar was there, and it was almost 4:30 PM. He’d arrived just in time to rehearse, and a light drizzle had begun to settle in just as he pulled open the door. The owner greeted him - the place hadn’t opened for dinner yet, but after a quick handshake and a firm nod, Steinar was directed to behind the curtain, where a little room was there for them to rehearse in.  _ Pretty nifty, huh?  _ The owner laughed, and Steinar smiled along with him. She was a shapeshifter as well, one of the few in this area. Her ability was less problematic than his (women tended to have it better), and they sometimes talked about it when Steinar had the time. Today, however, she seemed a little more pressed than usual while setting up the bar for customers to come in. A mutual connection happened between the two of them and he understood her need for space. He thanked her again for the opportunity before watching her transform into a bird, for some reason, and walked up the stairs leading onto the stage. Steinar had been to this bar several times before to get drinks with friends (Vasile included) and for some prior music gigs by himself. The practice room was just below the stage, down another few steps. A few music stands and some chairs were set up, and a single window gave Steinar a view of the gray sky outside. The rain had picked up a bit, now, and the soft  _ pitter patter _ was a symphony of its own to hear.

With a sigh, Steinar sat down. There was nothing to do but to kill the time between now and whenever Vasile decided to show up, so he pulled out the guitar case slung on his back and opened it carefully. Holding the stringed instrument by the neck, he set its protective cover on the ground and strummed a few chords idly. Would Vasile even arrive? Did he want to forget about what happened entirely? At least one of them would remember; a shiver ran down Steinar’s spine as he felt the lingering sensation of those fangs against his neck, the warmth of Vasile’s tongue added with the heat in their bodies, and what could only be lust in his eyes… Perhaps he was overthinking it all. Steinar took in a shaky breath, placing a few sheets on the music stands before beginning to play. 

He knew the piece by heart, and the blood coursing through his veins, but it didn’t hurt to warm up. Fingers pressed against the strings, nails over the hollow of the guitar; note by note, chord by chord, he gathered himself and began to sing. Steinar had chosen not to warm up his voice and didn’t regret a thing. 

Did it have to be a love song, out all the genres in the world, where the person of the songwriter’s affections had soft, brown hair and eyes like the sun-

Steinar’s singing voice faltered, and he stopped himself from thinking of Vasile, not when there were hurried footsteps down the stairs and a loud sigh from the man he wanted to see the most...and the least. 

“Sorry for being late,” Vasile huffed, sitting down at the upright piano in the corner of the room. He took out a binder full of sheet music and flipped a few pages before sighing. “Y-you can resume practicing. We can just go on our own for a bit.”

There was a creak of the piano bench as Vasile shifted about and ran a few scales. And so the music continued - as Steinar focused on the melody he created, it took all of his effort not to tune in to what Vasile played: the second song on their list of the night. It was part of a story, told by one friend to another about the promises they had made to each other years and years ago. So Steinar let his fingers fall from the fretboard, simply listening, simply watching two hands with sets of five slim fingers dance upon the keys. Vasile played on; he knew that Steinar had heard this song one too many times before from their history together. But with his back turned away for the most part, he smiled. They could be with each other regardless of what had happened before, whether their music came along with them or not. 

“That was beautiful,” breathed Steinar.

Vasile acknowledged him, nodding his head. “Thank you.”


	8. Paper Sheets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The performance ends, and as for an illusion, there's a return to reality. Vasile and Steinar go...home.

Rehearsal ended in no time, along with the performance itself - the light clatter of plates and spoons was enough for them to carry on. Vasile couldn’t help but feel a pair of blue eyes occasionally check back at him every once in a while from the front of the stage - not just checking on his accompanist, but peering into his soul as if to ask a question. Vasile just focused on his playing and let his thoughts wander. As much as the smell of the food was enticing, or how the warm, low light seemed to capture the atmosphere just right...what had tried to keep them from coming here was a simple vampire bite. Part of routine, life, and Vasile’s existence. He was full for the month, and that was that, right? 

Vasile ran a glissando as his friend held out a long note: Steinar could _sing_ , and how effortlessly he did so made Vasile’s heart want to leap out of his chest. Maybe one day, Steinar could sing for him again when he was feeling down, needing a cup of coffee or a ray of sunlight to brighten up his woes. In the back, the shopkeeper was part of the rest of the audience, applauding the loudest from the bar. The bar patrons sang along for the encore when a few nostalgic songs rode along; the song about the boy with the brown hair that shone like the sun. Vasile couldn’t help but think, every time that Steinar sang...was it about him? Did Steinar sing with his image in mind?

They rose from their seats and bowed together, hand in hand like they had always done. If these thoughts were true, that would be too much, and Vasile knew Steinar wanted time to just sort all of this out. 

The curtains rolled in from the opposite ends of the stage, and the world they performed to that was the bar grew smaller, smaller...until it was none. Just Steinar and Vasile backstage, still awkwardly not having let go of each other’s hand. But as Vasile did so, a little twinge of regret ran through his mind - it was warm, wasn’t it? Quite warm and soft, like the two of them fit just right with each other. Or perhaps Vasile was just pretending, growing sentimental as he helped Steinar wheel the piano back down to the back of the practice room.

“Good show, no?” Steinar asked, a gentle smile on his lips. There was a little flush on his cheeks from the temperature of the room, or was it just an after-effect of him performing? Vasile couldn’t tell, but either way, being with him was a gift. “Pretty damn good, Steinar. We’ve done it again.” 

Vasile heard a chuckle escape Steinar’s lips, the fringe of his blond hair hiding part of his blue eyes from view. He wanted to brush it aside, if just for a second, to see more of his face - his friend of years and years, somebody Vasile he knew in and out, forward and back like the lines on his hand. And yet, he couldn’t help but want to see more day by day.

“So…”

Steinar’s voice startled Vasile’s thoughts; he perked up. “Yes? What is it?”

“Should we, well, go home now?” 

There was a silence as Vasile’s phone buzzed. He swore he put it on silent, but he remembered his family could still reach him regardless: God, he wanted nothing more than to never break this moment. What would end up taking it away from him? Vasile looked at the screen and read a garbled sentence from Aurel.

 **[From: Little Brother]:** **_Don’t will come back door_ **

“I’m sorry, just give me a second,” Vasile stammered. His fingers fumbled on the small keys and texted back a quick message.

 **[To: Little Brother]:** **_What? Are you okay?_ **

**[From: Little Brother]:** **_mom’s drunk at home._ **

**[From: Little Brother]:** **_left something in front of the back door for you._ **

**[To: Little Brother]:** **_Why didn't you stay with her or get her some help?_ **

**[To: Little Brother]:** **_Aurel, we’ve been over this_ **

**[From: Little Brother]:** **_Okay okay im sorry but was at stefan’s. Your yogurt friend that i like. It was getting really bad and i didnt want to call the police_ **

**[From: Little Brother]:** **_Fuck_ **

**[To: Little Brother]:** **_I’m going to get some help for her, I’ll call her friend Marys_ **

**[From: Little Brother]:** **_god why didnt i think of that, go do it fast please im so scared gtg_ **

Vasile looked up from his phone and let out a hefty sigh, shoving it in his bag. Steinar was looking at him with worry in his eyes, because for so long he knew about the struggle that was his household. A paper family living in a paper house that threatened to blow away at any moment.

“It’s that.”

“Do you want to stay with me?”

Making a soft, muffled gasp, Vasile nodded his head. Surely he wouldn’t cry again, because he only was thankful for someone to save him. It just had to be the same person doing so again and again.

 _“Thank you,_ Steinar.”

Steinar looked at the door before looking over at Vasile. “Come on, then. Let’s go.”


	9. Just Unlike the Movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little longer chapter where Vasile and Steinar come home and...sort through their plans for the night. Steinar's heart dips a bit along the way.

The two of them were spared the incessant chatter and small talk that usually copulated in car rides, and after an entire performance, Steinar’s voice was exhausted. It needed rest, and he understood that Vasile knew that. None of this was new to him, taking Vasile away from home to a safer place to stay, or just simply being with him in the car; so why did it feel like a thrill?

Steinar almost missed his exit off of the highway, but just in time he turned over and began turning through the busy streets of his hometown back to his apartment. Dusk had begun to settle in, and it was his favorite time of the day. One only had to come to the city to see why, where tourists took pictures of the ocean view that was whispered about around the globe. The tang of salt in the air invigorated the soul. But Steinar just saw his home, where he’d grown up with Vasile, his friends, gotten his driver’s license, had his first love and heartbreak; just another moment in the many that was his life.

“I-If you’re wondering, I only need to stay here for another night. I promise.” Both certainty and uncertainty wavered in Vasile’s voice, and Steinar turned to look at him huddled in the corner of the passenger seat. His eyes stared at the floor of the car, not outside as the two of them usually did.

“However you want. Whatever you need.” 

The two of them got out of the car after Steinar parked it; he realized that he was exhausted, more so than he usually was. Even though he’d eaten before their performance at the bar, he felt hungry for some reason. Steinar didn’t say another word, trying to shake off the odd, empty feelings he had. He simply sat on the couch of his living room, trying to keep his eyes from giving out on him. Good God, why did he feel so _tired?_ Sometimes, it didn’t just feel like an effect from simply being a shapeshifter, but rather, something more. From the corner of his eye, he saw Vasile walk forward before taking a cautious step back, as if _maybe it was best not to approach Steinar anymore._

_They were just going to spend the night together,_ Steinar thought, rubbing his bleary eyes. And hopefully his emotionally-drained self wouldn’t ruin it forever for him. But as if something clicked in Vasile, he spoke up, and Steinar instantly turned every ounce of his attention to the man in front of him, his tiredness kept at bay. 

“Do you want to go to bed?” Steinar asked. 

Vasile nodded his head and slowly got up. "Yeah, that...Would be best." 

Was it early? Plenty so, but it was at least dark outside and Steinar could get the two of them some tea before they hit the sack. He put his hand over his mouth as he yawned before quickly remembering another inescapable truth. "Oh, I don't think I have a spare bed at the moment. Where would you like to stay?” 

Vasile didn’t move a muscle, continuing to stand by the wall on the other end of the room. “I can stay anywhere, I guess.” 

He shrugged, but Steinar could tell that he was trying to hide his uneasiness. And with that, Steinar instantly regretted saying what flowed from his mind: “Unless you don't mind sharing."

Steinar saw the little widening of Vasile’s eyes, the way he jumped by moving but a millimeter. Knowing a person for over ten years did that to you.

The vampire paused in the uncomfortable silence. “You can decide and I’ll be fine with it. You’re the host, after all.” 

He let out a little sigh of relief before looking back up at Steinar with what seemed to be a smile on his face. And how Steinar loved to see that smile, even if nobody would ever get him to admit the truth. And how he loved that smile like it was a part of everything he knew.

"Up to you," Steinar spoke simply; the nervousness was already growing on him. "If you want to stay here, you can, I can bring you some spare blankets, or, you can just come to my room." 

A sudden intensity crossed Vasile’s eyes, because Steinar knew he was thinking hard. Was that a flicker of hope in his eyes, like him, for something more? 

“I-I’ll just take the couch. Thanks.”

If thoughts could be sounds, and if they could be heard by everyone in the room or if they were loud enough, the world...There would be the sound of an object falling to a floor and shattering. But Steinar just nodded, pulled it together, and brushed away every feeling of shame possible with the broom that was his ego. "Okay, let me go get the blankets. You can wait here. If you're tired, just sleep already. I'll make sure everything's all good." 

Vasile gulped audibly. Steinar turned away so the other wouldn’t have to see that crippling disappointment of his, but what was there to hope for? That they’d share a bed together like the movies, cuddle together in the dim light and tell each other all the little secrets they’d kept stowed away? Steinar was a fool, and fools like him were-

Grabbed back to the person they wanted most. Vasile had sprang up from his seat on the couch and snatched Steinar's wrist. 

_This wasn't happening. Why was this happening?_

Vasile opened his mouth to speak, feeling the burn of shame and...tears? "I-I get nightmares. "T-They get bad."

Quick to turn when he saw Vasile beg for his attention like that, Steinar dropped all he had intended to do. Vasile’s breathing was erratic, like a child struggling to steady themself after crying. 

"Calm down, breathe...you can stay with me then. “Would that make you feel better?” Steinar didn’t want Vasile to let go of him, that soft hand gripping so fervently. He wanted to kiss it, to feel Vasile’s warm palms run up and down his body, those red eyes begging. Pleading for more, but the only person so desperate for moments like those was Steinar.

It would be wrong: Vasile’s family life was rough, and that was a fact. It explained the tears, the times he wouldn’t eat or didn’t talk. All was understandable, and all soon came to an end for a while, to where Vasile could be happy again. Steinar offered a smile to the shorter man, putting a hand to his shoulder as he led them back to his bedroom. "Everything will be alright. I mean...we're friends after all."

God, how Steinar hated saying that. 

Vasile chuckled sadly.


	10. Regret Can Be Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you say the most unexpected things when you just want to sleep.

Vasile understood that the nightmares were only a common occurrence at this point, waiting for the point where his family finally tore itself up for once and for all. But what did he have to fear? He was an adult, not the child that would run to his room those years ago; but why did it feel the same as then? Waking up alone was the worst part of the nightmare. He knew all bad dreams came to an end, but the reality after could not. He’d lay frozen in his bed in a cold sweat, the only thing he could look at were the sides of the walls and the massive, dark expanse that was the ceiling at night. 

To put it simply, Vasile was used to it. And if it weren’t for a little thought in his mind telling him to stay with Steinar because it was  _ him _ , regardless of the nightmares, maybe he would’ve fallen fast asleep by now. Just some hours later, he’d wake up and think about how his mom would drink her sorrows away.

"I guess we’re friends then," Vasile said shyly, and followed Steinar back to his bedroom. He'd been here a few times before, but the two of them had never laid down side by side together. The concept was beyond foreign. It wouldn’t even be the same as the sleepovers they had when they were younger, because...they felt different about each other now. Vasile decided to make himself comfortable on the bed, studying the posters and plants scattered about the room by lying down on top of the covers. But the fact that Vasile was in Steinar’s room because he wanted  _ affection _ was almost startling. If it were any other day, Vasile’s feelings typically disgusted him.

Steinar looked back over at Vasile on his bed. Was he unsure on how to go about this? Because Vasile felt the painful silence that continued to stretch between them until finally, did Steinar join him.

"Are you tired?"    


His voice was ragged with drowsiness, Vasile noted, but it was laden with sympathy and care: That was what mattered the most.

"Not really. I'm just surprised that you haven't passed out yet." Vasile chuckled lightly, turning to face Steinar. It was wrong to leave the other man in the dark like that, not when Vasile was and always had been the one to cheer them up most of the time. Saying that they could live as if nothing had happened before was nothing more than a wishful thought. Vasile kept thinking, what if he hadn’t done what he did that night, all of this was all his faul- "But I'll be ready when you are to sleep."

But why did he think that their dance of feelings was  _ beautiful?  _ Ephemeral, fleeting? Vasile shook his head: the poet in him had no place to intervene this late at night, not with his friend here. That part of him was feminine and he didn’t know how to feel about it.

Steinar fought back a yawn through his drowsiness, and without another word he leaned onto Vasile. Everything in his body rushed as Steinar pressed into him, so trusting and so forgetful of everything. Was Vasile taking advantage of him, his care that was _definitely_ _not_ _platonic?_ Maybe it was best not to think.

What happened second was that Steinar let his hand grab Vasile's. His breath hitched until he saw the dazed look so characteristic of sleepiness.  _ It’s just that,  _ Vasile convinced himself.  _ That and Steinar doesn’t actually mean it and nothing more _ .

"Sorry..." Steinar muttered quietly, still not letting go of his hand and pulling him more towards him. "Just...stay with me." 

Vasile stifled his gasp as he fell forward over Steinar. His heart was racing and no cell in his body wanted him to sleep, not now, when Steinar's hand was locked with his. This wasn't what friends did,  _ this wasn't what friends did at all _ . Their eyes met, and Vasile realized the blond was even moving more to the side to allow him more space. Steinar’s body cried out welcome for the traveler. Yet Vasile had no idea why he didn’t want to pack his bags again and run.

"I thought that...I thought that I was the one that wanted to stay-I...I'll just..lie you down," Vasile stammered, taking their shoes off for them. He gently edged Steinar under the covers and brushed the hair out of his face with a soft touch. "This good? Listen, hey, I didn’t mean to start all of this-"

"Calm down, Vasile. It’s fine." Steinar let go of his hand, moving it to the man’s soft cheek. He tried to keep his eyes open enough but he was having trouble doing so - any minute now and he would just pass out. After a few moments he simply opted to wrap it around him. 

"You-"  _ You're touching me in a way you never have before. _ Every part of him that Steinar touched burned, and he twitched under his warm palm. Vasile bit his lip to try to keep it all in for the millionth time: Steinar was holding him, without even thinking, without pausing to even  _ consider _ .

"Just take a deep breath.” Steinar snuggled into him some more: He didn’t mean it in a cynical way, but rather, he just wanted Vasile to find his peace. At this point he didn't care what he did in his exhaustion, feeling the warmth and comfort radiating off of the other’s body. How well they fit together, the gentle lines of Vasile’s torso with Steinar’s harder ones. To each other, they smelled like home. 

"Vasile..?"

"You should sleep." Simple enough, right? Steinar looked like an angel, an angel that laid right beside him. It was beyond unreal, especially when Vasile knew his heartbeat could be heard loud and clear through the thin fabric of his shirt.

With Steinar nuzzling into him, Vasile could barely see the light smile playing on his face. All he felt was the arm wrapped protectively around him. There were millions of feelings in the world and millions of words in every language to describe them, to capture their essence and explain how a person felt. Yet Vasile couldn’t find one to describe how his heart threatened to leap out of his chest with Steinar, secure in his arms. Was there a word that illustrated just the two of them lying on the bed, with every square inch of their bodies touching? Because only their clothing separated them. 

_ What if they had been doing something more intimate? _ Vasile fought back the urge to splutter out, to turn a bright pink and deny every single one of his actions and thoughts. But he’d stayed and let himself be tangled in the other man, and that only meant one thing about how he felt for Steinar. 

It was like they were a couple in love. 

The moments passed like hours; Vasile caught himself stroking Steinar’s hair between bouts of wonder. Every touch, caress of his closest friend’s skin set him aflame and deepened the sensation that this was no dream. Finally, Vasile heard Steinar's breathing shift from deep to shallow, for the release of sleep had finally washed over him. And then, it was safe for him to smile. 

"Oh my god," Vasile breathed out, running the pad of his thumb on Steinar's cheekbone. "Oh my god, I'm with you. Like this. In a bed, right next to you." 

The hand on Vasile's back warmed him up to the tip of his soul. If he felt for it on Steinar’s neck, which he did, he could still feel two slight indentations of the vampire’s kiss on his neck, right above his collarbone, parallel with his heart.


	11. Slip of the Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two of them wake up in the same bed, wonder a few different things about themselves. Steinar hopes he won't get hurt.

There came a time where the two of them would have to wake up and face each other once again. Steinar wasn’t ready for it, but morning came - he fluttered his eyes open, blinking once or twice before he realized where he was and what was happening. He inhaled sharply upon seeing Vasile only inches away from him, still locked in the state of sleep. 

_ Ah, yes. _

Steinar gulped and stared at the ceiling, because now he remembered what happened. He didn't mean to cuddle into Vasile like this, no, but a threateningly large part of him didn't mind at all. And that part of him grew bigger by every passing moment they spent together, as Steinar wanted nothing more than to close the distance with the sleeping angel in front of him. He didn't move away, because to do so would ruin the moment they shared where Vasile was nuzzled right up into Steinar’s chest. It was best not to disturb him, but a look at the bedside clock told him it was almost noon. He could take a chance, he supposed, and called out Vasile’s name softly. 

He mumbled incoherently, fluttering open his eyes. "What? Yes?" 

It wasn’t too hard to wake him up: Steinar bit back a growing smile, knowing that Vasile was the first face he got to see in the morning. His sunny, beautiful face with skin like fresh, soft sheets.  And then Vasile saw Steinar, which was the part that the two of them had ultimately come to. 

"I...do you want me to move away?" Steinar asked quietly, keeping his hand from reaching out to pull Vasile even closer. By now, his cheeks were dusted a faint pink, and all his hopes were set on going far beyond this: who knew what else they could do? He wanted to hide away from the man who was wrapped around him. A quick kiss filled Steinar’s mind for a split second: it felt wrong, but he didn't even know about their status anymore. What would they be after this morning was over? 

Vasile hadn’t moved from his spot, and Steinar couldn’t help but think that he looked so adorable. His hair was mussed-up from sleep, and there was still a dull tiredness in his eyes. Although he hadn’t answered the original question, Steinar realized that maybe, just  _ maybe _ he’d gotten his Vasile to stay a little longer.  _ His?  _ Well, it was time to make that happen, as they lay in bed side by side together, breathing the same air as their chests rose and fell in almost unison. The sunlight exposing a hazy halo of dust particles above Vasile’s head. So in that split second to Steinar, he was perfect. 

“Vasile…” Steinar sat up beside him, and put a shy hand on the other man’s cheek. From the moment Steinar’s fingers met skin to when his palm had settled onto the line of a soft jaw, he felt Vasile shiver but didn’t pull back. Steinar said what longed to come out for days, weeks...even months. “I think I like you.”

He could hear Vasile's breath hitch, as if the way Steinar treated him before wasn’t obvious to him. So he sat up, carefully, one movement at a time, unable to meet Steinar’s gaze. 

No, Steinar wouldn’t let his silence hurt him: no, not yet. So he continued. “I know we’ve been friends for years and years. So it’s fine. I-It’s okay, if, well, you don’t feel the same way. I can back off - like, never speak of this again. We can be whatever you want after, friends, just people who know each other, but  _ God _ , that would be  _ so hard for me.”  _ _   
_   
Steinar swore he could hear Vasile’s racing heartbeat: he looked into those bright, brilliant eyes.  __ Fill the silence,  his mind said, and that was the order he followed. “I know how I feel about you.”

He realized he hadn’t yet dropped his hand, and with that, he replaced his palm with his lips. A kiss to seal off his sentence.

_ “You can’t help it,”  _ Vasile repeated; it was like the night never ended with how they had picked right back up, like in a chapter book that hadn’t reached its ending. "But I...I don't know." 

It would have been lying if Steinar said that this didn’t sting like a slap to the face.

Vasile must’ve cought the crestfallen look on his face, as subtle as it was. He scooted closer, struggling for the right words. "Steinar, please, it's all too fast. It's all too fast and I feel my head spinning. You..." 

“It’s okay, Vasile, I get what you’re saying-” Steinar couldn’t help but gasp as he felt a cautious finger draw a pattern on his exposed collarbone. 

"I don't know how you make me feel. You're so much. You're so much for me, and I...It's so hard to handle." Vasile gripped Steinar's face in his hands, held it like he carried the world. "But I get it. I get it when you say that it's _ not normal anymore." _

There was a flickering moment of silence, but Steinar nodded, feeling the hands on him soon drop. He couldn't help but feel disappointed: _what was this?_ The books he’d read or the movies he’d seen hadn’t told him about  _ this _ type of response, the one that was neither a yes or a no. But Vasile didn’t mean it badly, right? It was wrong to confess like this, first thing in the morning, and Steinar had caught him off-guard. Trying to smile, he looked at Vasile before moving his hand up to touch his. When Vasile squeezed his hand back, a burning warmth resurged into Steinar’s body. "It doesn't have to be anything like  _ that _ if you don't want it to be. Doesn’t even have to be right now, it’s really fine: don't worry." 

Was it fine? Steinar remembered his first heartbreak, when he’d only been fifteen and the boy had been asking too much of him. He thought it would work out, that he could change him, but in the end all that mattered were the things Steinar couldn’t give. His body, only after he could bear to swallow his pride, and- He closed his eyes to rest them, not because the memory had grown overwhelming. There were plenty of reasons why he’d never counted this relationship as his first: simply, he hadn’t been ready. But this time, however, it was with Vasile and his pretty pink lips and shiny tongue that swept over them. And with that mouth came the voice he needed to hear every single day.

"I never knew you would have feelings for me." Vasile said his words so fast, so nervously yet easily. It was dangerous, and Steinar thought for a split second that he was lying: how could a man like him not fall in love? And out of all people, a childhood friend that had known nothing more than that. Steinar let go of his hand before inching away to the other side of the bed. "I can wait. I will if I have to. Maybe we won't get together now, or never if you so want but i just really wanted you to know that, okay? I don't know what you want to call us, or if you want us to try to go back to friends for the time being - or maybe, forever. It’s all your call, Vasile." 

A deep, lofty sigh left his lips, for the silence was calming; it helped him breathe. His heart had already been racing, and he wasn't sure what to do or how to feel. What was happening? What  _ would _ happen? All he knew was that it felt nice to finally confess his feelings to him.

"Please don't take this as rejection, because it's not. I-I like you, not just as a friend, but something more. I'm not ready for it yet, I-"

"I didn’t expect anything more." 

Steinar’s angel looked like he was ready to cry.

_ "Vasile."  _ Steinar said his name simply, the syllables rolling off his tongue. "It’s fine, I promise. No need for labels, anything, and if time’s all you need I’ll give you it. Just think, but let me know eventually.” 

Vasile, finally,  _ finally... _ smiled back. He rubbed at the corners of his eyes, pondering what would happen if they embraced. Steinar needed it more than he did right now, and he supposed...It wouldn’t hurt to lie in his warm arms. It wouldn’t hurt to ease his tension along with his own and resort to his original tactic - to disregard everything that had happened. Maybe though, as he slid into Steinar’s arms and pulled him into an embrace, he would now want to remember.

Steinar was soft; they seemed to fit together like birds of a feather. Friends hugged, maybe if it was like this.

They weren’t friends.


	12. Unwanted Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vasile and Steinar get a reality check.

“I don't know how to think of you...” Steinar admitted shyly. There was reluctance in his voice, as if his tone alone could possibly explain what had happened in the last twenty-four hours. But Steinar was sturdy, someone Vasile could cling to and put his face against and fit with: only if it was that simple. He breathed in his scent, of pine and linen and everything else in between. 

“Don’t think of me,” Vasile replied. Good  _ God,  _ he sounded cold, but maybe that could save his soiled ego and reputation when he was snuggling up against someone new. Someone new? They’d known each other for years and years. 

“For God’s sake, I can't..” He shuffled away from him before his gaze was slowly dragged back up again. 

Vasile wanted nothing less than to scream. “If I can pretend like I’ve never acknowledged your feelings, or-or if I’m just here, literally  _ lying _ against you moments ago, and not able to move, I think that maybe you can just take a  _ straightforward _ path, and not think of the person here, that’s me-”

“Vas -  _ wait _ \- forget that _.  _ We’re both overwhelmed.”

Sucking in a breath, Vasile nodded slowly.  _ No shit,  _ but Steinar had a point - this was going to get them nowhere better, and a plummet to instantaneous heartbreak on one end and sore regret on the other was only a few feet away. But didn’t Steinar, tousled blond hair and baby blue eyes - oh  _ fuck _ \- didn’t he look like he was already there?

If someone jumped or fell off a cliff, you wouldn’t follow them. It was that simple. 

“I think you’re right.” Vasile was now colder without him, but the coldness of the air at night was what kept him going. It kept him wild,  _ alive, _ away from the things he wasn’t ready for; and maybe love was one of them. And with a person as understanding as Steinar, it would all be okay, even if Vasile was the most selfish bastard in the world at this moment. Life would resume as normal. 

He watched as Steinar stood up, placing a hand on his neck: those long fingers gliding were over the two puncture wounds that Vasile had left not too long ago. A lump in Vasile’s throat formed as he watched, remembering the taste of his sweet blood, the feeling of a fluttering pulse below his fingertips and tongue. Steinar had been shaking the entire time, that hand, that hand at his shoulder gripping until-

There was a knock on the door.

“Did you invite someone?” Steinar asked quietly. 

Vasile scrambled out of bed, checking himself in the nearby mirror to see if he was remotely presentable, straightening out his hair and pajamas. He looked Steinar directly, firmly in the eye. “N-No. I didn’t. We should answer it, and fast.”    


“Well, check who it is.” Steinar wasn’t wrong at all, but a bad feeling began to form in his stomach - a pit, low and pressing, but he began to step out of the bedroom with Steinar following close behind. Through the hallway, down the stairs, past the couch where he  _ should’ve  _ woken up that night, and to the front door. Having made his way downstairs, Vasile peered through the peephole with trepidation in his heart. But what he saw was dark brown hair, rather messy, framing a pale face and wiry frame, even more so than his.

“A- _ Aurel?” _

Steinar took a look through the peephole himself once Vasile has stepped down. He gasped when he heard the name, so fragile when it was spoken - why had Vasile’s little brother come all the way here?

With a large swing the door was pulled open, seeing the embodiment of  _ utter disappointment  _ directed at him. There was not only anger written on his face, but worry twisted into it, too, worry that looked like sleepless nights and crying. Vasile looked at Steinar hopelessly before turning to his brother, who said, “You forgot to turn your  _ fucking location off.”  _

Aurel was still an inch or two shorter than Vasile, but it was a far cry from only a few years ago, when he’d been so small: oh, how time passed. How Vasile wanted to go back to those days when a cold sweat began to make its way down his back. The more people that ended up in his business, the worse this entire situation would get. 

“No, it’s not what you think it is.” They didn’t have sex, or even make out. Vasile prayed Aurel would believe him.

Aurel laughed emptily, looking at Steinar before crossing his arms at Vasile. “Seriously?”

From Steinar, only centimeters away from him, there was a dead silence.  _ Was he confused? _ Vasile wondered, before quickly answering himself. 

Steinar scoffed, his hand tightening on the doorknob. Vasile swore he could see the man’s fingers twitch, ready to slam it in his face- "And why would you care? You didn't even have to show up here, ‘cause no one invited you. If you're here just to yell at Vasile, I suggest you _ go _ , Aurel." 

Before Aurel could laugh like the cocky bastard he devolved into, Vasile let out a steam of air and pried off Steinar's hand from the doorknob, because Steinar almost never grew angry.

"Steinar, it's  _ fine. _ It's my fault anyway.”  _ Was it? _ Vasile looked at his little brother guiltily, before his gaze fell under Aurel’s presence. "I'm sorry I missed it. It was my fault again, and..." 

It was what Aurel had been waiting for the entire time: Steinar could see it in his face as it relaxed, if just a little bit. 

"You just had to tell us,” Aurel whispered, and Vasile saw the young boy constantly disappointed by his family that he couldn’t run from. Too young, unlike college-aged Vasile, and his mother needed him more than everyone else in the family for her sanity. Vasile thought of every little thing he owed his family, and the countless explanations for Steinar. It made his head hurt. "Anything else?" 

Aurel quickly gave Steinar the side eye. "I just wanted to know you were safe. Even though you're...an adult, you scare me." 

Vasile held his silence for a small moment, his brother still standing outside the threshold. So then his brother waved him a wordless goodbye, turning his back away from him and leaving as soon as he came. So Vasile clicked the door shut and leaned against it, unable to speak. There were times past when he had been a better older brother, and he feared that they would never be seen again. He missed Aurel already.

His voice shook, head falling into his hands. _ “I’m sorry you had to see that.” _

Steinar had seen the two of them break into these types of altercations before, but he never knew why each one of them happened. It was better that way if he didn’t quite dare to ask all the time; he thought it’d be disrespectful. “Just tell me what that was all about.” 

The silence between them stretched up and over, as Steinar held his arms close to his own body and sighed. He walked away to the living room, which was not too far away, and sat down on the couch to think.

Vasile watched him leave. 

"It was his birthday," he said.


	13. Missing Him Already

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Vasile feel like Steinar's gentle brushes of a hand are too much. (Sorry this chapter is a bit short! School's started, and I'm scrambling to get this done somehow.)

"Steinar, come back!" 

Barely having heard Vasile, Steinar was reclining on the couch, staring emptily at the ceiling. He wasn’t thinking a thought: why would he be, after everything baffling that had happened? 

"I...I missed his birthday." The words came out slowly, as if Steinar hadn’t heard him the first time. "And...I knew that I missed it." 

“Oh.” 

He really hated seeing Vasile’s pretty face twisted with so much anguish; if anything was true, Steinar could read him like an open book with size twenty-six font. It was something he loved. 

“Should you go with him then?” Steinar looked up at Vasile curiously. “I don't think it’d be best to stay here anyway, after what just happened too - I don't know.” 

He stood up and patted Vasile on the back lightly, even if he felt his love shake a little underneath. “You’re welcome to stay here too, just be careful when you go out. Can't have you come back in two.” 

Steinar tried to smile (he really did) walking over to the kitchen. Maybe he just needed some tea, the herbal type, to lift up his spirits if just a nudge higher.

“My parents don’t want me home. I miss Aurel, but he’s closer to his parents now than I ever was.” Vasile stopped for a second. “Wait...they’re my parents too.” 

Wincing as Vasile sighed, Steinar sat up. He would do anything to give Vasile the safety and comfort of a stable family.

Vasile chewed the inside of his lip. “I’ll go take a walk, alone, if you don’t mind. I promise that I’ll be safe.”

“Be careful.” Steinar called back, walking over quickly to catch Vasile’s soft hand. Was it just him, or did it feel so much more tender and soft than anyone else’s? “If you’re going to your parent’s place, make sure that you don't get into anything, okay? You can always come back here too, I’ll be sure to have a spare bed this time...” 

A blush coated Steinar’s face, and he turned away to let go of Vasile’s hand. He could see the other man turn pink, even if subtly. “I’ll bring back something for us to eat if I can.” 

Soon, Vasile would have his own apartment in the city. Maybe it would be near Steinar’s, and maybe they could see each other more. Or alternatively, Vasile could get out of this town and find somewhere new - somewhere brimming with opportunity, and new faces would come along. He’d find a handsome man for him on the other end of the country, or even  _ world _ . But leaving Steinar? Vasile shook his head, and for that, Steinar looked at him a little strangely.

“Yeah, thank you, Vasile.” 

Steinar’s lips curled into a small frowned when the door shut. He wandered back to the living room to sit on the lounge chair as time passed like a sloth crawling on a tree. Every second was an hour long, so agonizingly, frustratingly slow. He just didn’t want to wait for Vasile, if he would come back, because Steinar felt this  _ urge _ to make sure he was alright every step of the way. Groaning, he closed his eyes before fumbling for his phone in his pocket.

Vasile said he would return, so he would, right?  _ Right. _


	14. Fires that Simmer Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a closing to every happy moment; you always feel like it comes too early. Vasile and Steinar are no different.

The air had the crisp bite of the sea, the familiar seagulls crying overhead along with the busy traffic of almost noontime. walking about the city and seeing the more innocent side of it shining in the day. Families with kids, bakeries and cafes, and people walking their dogs like him. Pretending it was easy and running away from reality even if it was only an hour worked out. That was all Vasile needed. Compared to the members of his family, he was born lucky and didn’t have to worry about sun exposure as a vampire. His brother burned very easily like his father, and it was something the two of them fretted about. Well, given their current situation, _used_ to. Thinking that thought stung. As he was about to grimace, Vasile stopped himself - it wasn’t good for someone like him to reveal his teeth in public, because not everyone was too fond of vampires once they realized they were near one.

It happened before, when he was younger, in seventh grade. An older woman approached him, and Vasile saw that her kids were about his age, and in the car. She ported a crooked nose, muddy green eyes, and peroxide-blonde hair, an odd combination already combined with the funny stare that came next. Then, she claimed Vasile looked rather pale for someone with his hair color. It was because he was in time for another drink, but a victim or blood bag hadn’t yet showed up. Vasile blinked; the day had been sunny like this one, with only a few clouds in the sky and in front of one of the local shops he just passed by, which was an ice cream parlor he and his friends used to hang out in. Seventh grade Vasile and college-aged Vasile knew it was best to choose your words sparingly in public, because that was more of the chance your teeth were exposed. Some vampires had chosen to file them down for safety reasons, but they always had to drink blood from the bag; without it, they wouldn’t survive. Vasile had just whispered back to the lady that he didn’t go outside a lot, but then she snapped at him about his _razor sharp canines_ \- exact wording, Vasile mused - and proceeded to threaten to call the police.

Calling a police on a vampire was only a few steps better than getting caught than the bounty hunters. Both of them were sentences, but only the latter usually ended up in death. 

At the time, Vasile had been terrified. Who wouldn’t be, when a public crowd had started to gather around them and even take out their phones? But he hadn’t said a word, paralyzed in place by the invisible glue that was the woman’s words, and that was his biggest regret.

 _Therapeutic_ as it was, Vasile could only walk and forget about Steiner for so long. It’d been over a half hour already, and he checked his watch, reminding him that it was almost noon. Quickly, he made a stop at a local restaurant and picked up sandwiches and salad for the both of them. Albeit was on the expensive side for his budget, Vasile would make it work. And when he made it home- _Home?_ Steinar’s place was like that, the memories they created over the years. Somewhere in that mental photo album was Steinar, running from his mom’s car to save his Vasile and drag him away from the frenzied woman and her audience.

His _friend_ Vasile. At least, that was what it had been at the time. He knocked on the door, food in hand, and waited for Steinar to answer.

Steinar almost jumped up, his head turning to face the door upon hearing the rap on the door. It rang in his ears over and over, but it wasn’t going to answer itself. He rose, and opened it swiftly, peeking over to see Vasile. 

“Did everything go okay?” He asked, a bit worried something had happened along the way. 

“Yeah, it’s all fine. Don’t worry. I brought back lunch.”

Vasile looked fine, but in his mind he was worried, heart racing when a problem hadn’t even shown itself. Pointing at the bag Vasile carried, he spoke. “What’d you bring? You can put it at the table, I'm sure you carried it all the way here.” 

Steinar had put his hand on Vasile’s back lightly, tempted to grip his clothing and never let go. Startled, Vasile stuck to his own script for what to say next, but was that a twinge of disappointment when Steinar’s hand dropped? Vasile was too scared to tell. He found the dinner table a few paces away and set the bags of food down. They were still warm, of course, and smelled positively fragrant of warm cheese and beef soup.

“The food’s on me. Thank you for letting me stay last night.” Vasile smiled a bit, shyly. “I don’t know whether that’s a stretch on my wallet or not, but you really helped me out.”

“Thank you, Vasile. And of course. It’s no issue, if you want you can stay over again, I don’t think it’s good for you to go back...or, just one more day wouldn’t hurt, right?” Steinar was poised quietly over his own seat, as if he was afraid to sit down and face Vasile’s nonexistent wrath. He put his hand over his mouth: he’d slip up again, would he? Say something that would only make it all worse, and have everything he’d dreamed about fall down the drain.

Vasile acknowledged Steinar's blush and comment about the night, yet chose to let the feeling flutter away. "I'll have to see about tonight." 

“Oh yeah, of course. I was just...offering.”

Besides, Vasile would need to move some of his belongings over to his house, and that would take time. "I hope you don't mind sandwiches. And salad." Vasile unpacked the food and offered some to Steinar, silently dying for the subject to be changed to something where their _feelings_ wouldn't have to be involved. Steinar’s hands tied themselves into nervous knots as his heart hung heavy, ached in his chest, and forced a smile on his face. No, he didn’t want to accept this but he knew he had to respect his...friend. 

They didn't talk at all through lunch, and the silence was unbearable. The two of them skillfully avoided each other's glances through every bite and sip, yet Vasile fought to control his thoughts about rejection, shame. His _own_ shame. He couldn’t leave Steinar hanging on a fraying rope, at least not that fast and without warning, because the message had to be clear. Eventually, a time would come. It was awfully still, even with just the distant clamor of life outside. The sun peeking through the white linen curtains didn’t spread her warmth as openly, and the seagulls that usually crowed on and on were just a tad too quiet. 

A nervous habit kicked in, and Vasile began chewing on his lip. Peeling off the skin gave him no control, but rather left him with a bleeding mouth and salty taste in his mouth. His own blood could never sate him, that wasn’t how vampires worked. 

By now, Vasile had finished his food, leaving no morsel behind as the battle of their silence stretched farther and farther. Steinar watched part of Vasile’s pink lips dip under a section of sharp teeth, but being too afraid to talk and speak up, nothing was said. It was until he finished his last bite that he opened his mouth, and the words came. “Is everything alright?” 

A sharp pain protruded in Steinar’s chest: he couldn’t tell if it was a figment in his imagination or rather something very real.

"You don't look too great yourself. Do you need a walk, too?" Vasile attempted a little smile. It was the least he could do, not having answered Steinar’s question. He couldn’t lie, no. 

“Mm, I don't think I want to go outside today. Maybe later.” 

Vasile quietly dug his nails into the skin of his thigh. "Maybe it...it would be best if I left for a bit. I can come back tomorrow and things can just... _be._ I'll bring something for us to do so we can kill time just like usual." 

His household was a mess at the moment. Not like he would have to disclose that to Steinar for fear of his concern, as usual. It was nothing short of respectful caring, but it was useless to worry about something outside of your control. Vasile stifled a groan; he couldn't be selfish, but he couldn't be cruel. Those were two unlucky cards under the same name, and no matter which one he played, the other one would come along from right underneath. 

“Yeah, that works, just tell me before you do.” Steinar stared at the wooden table as if it was a portal to another world, where he and Vasile were together as boyfriends and didn’t have a care in the world. Everything seemed surreal, but Vasile liking him back was out of a different reality. 

In a broken, disjointed motion, Vasile placed a hand on Steinar's shoulder. "I hope you're not sick or anything. Was it the food?"

Okay, maybe, he needed to back off. _Now that was trying too hard._

“I told you - I'm _fine.”_ He brushed Vasile’s hand off as he rose, pushing his chair in. “You don't have to clean up, I’ll do it later.” 

Was this how it felt to be broken, left to the simple want of just reaching out and hugging the man in front of him. Tell him again and again until the record that was his mouth broke of how much he adored his company, to stay forever in his arms where their lips could meet. But he didn’t. Instead, Steinar walked off to his room. 

_"Just one more day wouldn’t hurt, right?"_

Vasile felt tears prick his eyes, a burning sensation that went from his throat to the bottom of his soul. He’d really torn Steinar apart, hadn’t he? Taken away everything they’d been together from the minute they laid eyes on each other as elementary schoolers to last night, where they’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms. 

_"Just one more day wouldn’t hurt, right?"_

A heart that beat in his chest, thinking in place of a mind, had no answer. Yet for Vasile, as he gathered his belongings and left Steinar’s house, the tears never came. 


	15. Laundry Lists with No One Listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vasile leaves, and one part of Steinar leaves with him. (Short chapter, sorry!)

Getting your feelings snagged up by the thornbush was never a good idea. The harder you tried to yank yourself away, the deeper they’d tear you. When the time came that you pulled yourself free, a little part of you would still be bleeding from the thorns, a section of your clothes left behind. You, in disrepair, but the thornbush still the same. 

The dull lead ache of how slow time passed droned on and on in Steinar’s head. How long had it been when he started staring at the window, the same view of the little yard he had, with the hammock and the two lawn chairs? His mother had given him those chairs as a parting gift, but the hammock he’d bought himself with his own meager savings. She helped him with the monthly rent, wanting to wean her son off so he would be able to successfully integrate the adult world. The adult world? Quite the journey itself, not when Steinar still felt trapped in a teenager’s body. 

Today was going to be laundry day. That meant taking the bin, throwing the dirty laundry into the washer, and plopping in half a cup of detergent. Such a simple task made him breathless, and after Steinar clicked the  _ on _ button, he sighed and folded his arms over the top of the dryer. The laundry bin sat in its place, empty, while Steinar wished for another set of windows. Windows, windows everywhere, for everyone to see how he lived...but he wanted to see the outside, too. Clear skies, sunny weather, smell of the salt from the beach. For Steinar, that was how he knew he was home, because home meant family and friends, and friends meant Vasile and his lopsided smile. 

Not him, dear God,  _ not him not him _ . That was what occupying himself was for, chores upon chores, unnecessary dusting the countertops or wiping the seats of hard wood chairs. Not Vasile, his corundum eyes shining with mischief. 

Steinar felt a tear platter onto the cool metal of the dryer top: one after another, they fell like a slow drizzle making puddles on the pavement. It would only be the first chore on the long list that he didn’t finish. Like his bed, which lay bare, stripped of the cover and pillows, with sheets coming to take their place. All he’d done after was sit on the vacuumed carpet, back against the nightstand poking into his skin, and stared at the wall. 

He was going to make himself a bridge out of brick and cement...and get over him. 

The living room still lay in its state from the previous night - only a night ago? There were tartan blankets in disarray from where Vasile had rested there on the couch: Steinar refused to touch them. The takeout boxes on the dinner table lay waiting too, as most of the house had been fixed up proper to Steinar’s liking. All of this had one thing in common. Vasile, even though he wasn’t even here, was stopping him from doing his goddamn chores. 

Steinar laughed, outwardly - a cold, bitter dry thing that left him stumbling off to the mirror hanging dolefully on the wall. Those two, dotted punctures still sat on his neck, and like eyes they stared at him: and as the man Steinar was, he stared back. Oh, he could never forget, recalling again and again until he forgot, the sweet feeling of Vasile, their heat, and his soft lips leeching the life out of him. 

Warmth - the bright, sunny day outside, dreams of Vasile’s bare body with his, and their happiest memories together from the very beginning. Steinar banished himself into the cold.


	16. Searching for Some Way Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Just a quick note, I am not Romanian so pardon any cultural or linguistic inaccuracies! It was really fun researching the food. Hope you enjoy anyway!)

Angry footsteps against the creaking hardwood floors. Vasile’s mother had been running an errand; it was only now that she’d gotten back, but her anger was still as fresh and the same  _ “Fiu,  _ why didn’t you tell us where you were? Poor Aurel, he had to walk the way there, come back. Waste of time.” 

The house smelled like the lingering remnants for lunch, pickled plums, sharp cheese, and  _ gulaș,  _ a home recipe all the way from Hungary. Vasile, in his teen years, would always make some for the family whenever he felt the low tug of life downward. Every single time, once the stew would be served on the table, the three of them would gather together and eat the delicious product of Vasile’s lost bitterness. So  _ gulaș,  _ again, at this time in their life: even though he’d eaten at Steinar’s for lunch, Vasile ached for another taste of  _ home.  _ If home meant just red paprika seasoning, putting their shoes at the door for Saint Nicholas’s blessings, or telling stories of a great long past, then Vasile had all he needed. But the common saying went that home was where family was; so with that, he owned nothing at all. 

“Mama, my phone was on silent, and you  _ know _ I go to Steinar’s at this point when things...get…” Vasile stopped: just another day at home, another time where explanations were due and he didn’t need to give them anymore. He turned to the door behind him for help, some solace in this world that his family was supposed to give him. Between these walls, there was never enough space between Vasile, his mother, and brother. 

_ “Explica.” _

He stifled a groan before speaking, his mother’s gaze burning into him like searing fire. Vasile shifted his feet, looking to the ceiling for the God that his mother had nailed into him ever since he was a kid. “We were fighting.” 

His mother’s unnerving stare got him every single time, compelling him to speak on, and even fabricate lies if he had to. Vasile was sick and tired of lying to his mother, and she knew that as well as he did. The two of them understood the words written on the skin on the back of Vasile’s palm were common ground.

Aurel coughed hastily, saving Vasile from his mother’s lesser graces with his fluent Romanian. Apparently, he’d told their mother already about what Vasile had done via text, cutting him a little slack there. Although Aurel could be moody as hell some days, he was real helpful every other moment to save Vasile’s ass. “Tătic _ comes home tonight, at six. Let’s make some dinner for him.”  _

Ivona Ionescu looked at her better son, turned to her oldest, and sighed. 

Vasile’s thoughts lingered at Steinar’s touch: his hand never felt more empty. 

Their father came home for a weekend, once a month, to see his sons and wife and finally take a true break from work. A frequent flier, he was always travelling back to Romania for his diplomatic role or to whatever country needed him next. Vasile knew his two conversational topics off the tip of his tongue: work and school. His and Aurel’s schooling, of course, asking about their grades, peers, and lives. Many of the questions overlapped from each return trip home before, but Vasile answered them differently every time, introducing new characters in his life he’d met a month ago or projects he’d just finished. For his father, though he never knew him, it was the least he could do. And because they never knew each other, this was all they needed. 

The three of them, a mother and her two sons, made their way to the kitchen. She began tying her worn apron around her waist as Aurel opened up the fridge, packed with produce and meats from the shopping trip just yesterday. A few blood bags sat as a last resort in the back of it, several different types for whenever the time came. Vasile felt a little twinge in his chest staring at them:  _ Steinar,  _ how was he? He knew the beast Vasile was. 

Aurel pulled out a package of  _ salam _ , the sausage leaning against a gallon of milk, and set it on the table. It was running low, but it was more than enough to use up for dinner. As his mother cleared the kitchen counter space, putting away dirty dishes and taking out the cutting board and knife, Vasile thought about what his father liked - hearty foods, filled with pork, drowned in creamy sauce, and served piping hot. That was a lot of Romanian food, yes, but there was more in their fridge...

_ “Sarmale?” _

“I guess.”    
  
His mother knew better than he did of what to eat.

* * *

**Translation Notes:**

_Fiu_ = son, boy

_ Gulaș  _ = goulash  


_Explica_ = explain  


_ Tătic  _ = dad  


_Salam_ = salami

_Sarmale_ = Romanian national dish, cabbage leaves stuffed with ground pork, sauerkraut, tomatoes, and dill  



	17. Birds of a Feather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people don't like speaking about the things that happen late at night. But other people, they have answers for what comes next.

He’d counted the hours it had been since Vasile left - forty-eight, now with an additional twelve.

It was one in the morning. Steinar had been asleep for several hours, wanting to sleep the days without Vasile away, having taken a few painkillers for the ache in his chest that wouldn’t budge (it wasn't an impending heart attack, he looked it up on WebMD). All in all, he wasted the days away. Even with all the effort in the world, he couldn’t get a single damn thing done. Steinar had tried to call his high school brother, Emil, but he’d gone straight to a voicemail box that hadn’t been set up yet. He’d texted him, too, even gave his parents a ring, but the conversation between them had been stiff due to Steinar’s mood. With the compassion in their hearts, they understood that it was hard to be a college student...and a shapeshifter, for that matter.

How long had it been since he’d last transformed? Even though it hurt like hell to break his bones and snap them back together again, Steinar had felt so wonderful as something that wasn’t himself.

And oh, why was he awake at such an inconvenient hour? His phone was ringing, persistently. Steinar shot up from bed, grabbing his phone quickly with a clumsy hand. The bright screen made him recoil and squint, but he picked up the call. _Now, who the hell would be calling,_ Steinar thought irritably, rubbing his eye with his free hand. “Hello?”

_“Steinar, I-”_

A sniffle of tears.

 _Vasile_ , Steinar realized, as the pang in his heart returned again. 

_“I’m really sorry...about all of this. You. Me. But... Could I come over? I-I...Can’t sleep.”_

What was he doing, playing with him like this? Did Vasile know how he was treating Steinar, or was it all a joke to him? He gripped the sheets frustratedly in the dark, turning to dig his finely-trimmed nails into the blankets for more substance, as if that would do anything at all. 

_“Steinar? Are you there?”_

He found himself getting out from under the covers, clicking on the light on his nightstand, with shaking fingers and a great soreness in his heart. How he rued hurting Vasile, but it was hard to heal with a broken heart. 

_“Please…”_

Why it was so hard for Steinar to find words was beyond him, but he managed to hear the first crack of a sob from the other end of the line. The drowsiness in Steinar’s body melted away, and the fog of his mind cleared up in a brilliant clarity, and with that he saw the right thing to do. It didn’t matter if Vasile loved him or not; it mattered if he was going to be a bitter asshole who cried because his childhood friend didn’t like him back. “Y-you...of course you can come over. Do I get the couch ready?” 

_“Yes, thank you, thank you so much Steinar - I always...knew I could trust you. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry-”_   
  
“You don’t have to apologize.” Steinar’s heart was beating faster than he could tell Vasile he was in love with him, for god’s sake. He stood up from his bed as he walked over to his bedroom door, pace invigorated with a burning fire under his feet. “Do you want me to go out too? It’s really late at night, and I can’t have a friend get hurt - Fuck it, I’m going, get whatever you need, and head out. I’ll meet you down the street.” 

_“Seriously, you don’t- you don’t have to!”_

Before Vasile could say a word of protest, Steinar hung up, prying open the stubborn door handle of his to walk down the stairs, bare-footed, the stone tile chilling him from the feet up. As the night air greeted him with the cold shoulder, Steinar imagined sunshine, the open sky, and what it felt like to have your body be a vessel in the air. A fairytale where life was short and sweet, and you sang songs for everyone around you to hear. A morning chorus, every single morning, and the warmth of summer days dancing upon your feathers: Oh, to be a bird. 

He’d barely closed the door before the short moment of envisioning his new image came to life - Steinar couldn’t scream, not when the pain came so fast and so hard, as the bones in his body broke down to be the size of his hand, reconnecting again in the delicate paper framework that constituted a dove. Doves, the animals that symbolized peace, always paired with two sprigs of laurel as heralds of good news for the world; it was only ironic that out of every single avian imaginable, from Peregrine hawk to common sparrow to bird of paradise, the humble yet pure dove had arisen from the choosings of his heart, and the workings of excruciating agony. 

The initial soreness as Steinar fluttered his wings was inevitable, but after a few hurried flaps Steinar had found liftoff. Vasile couldn’t wait a moment longer for him, and so he flew under the yellow sodium night lamps, past the spray of the beach that brushed against the metal railing of the bridge, over the sidewalks and up above the roofs of shops. Pulse after pulse after pulse, the never-coming-fast-enough oxygen pouring into his lungs in sharp little breaths. All he saw was their city _,_ the mini land of their home, memories, pain and laughter. Whatever had happened between them all these years, Steinar just wanted to be free again. And if being truly free meant saving Vasile alongside him, it was a risk he was willing to take over and over again.

Coasting downwards, Steinar caught the sign of Vasile’s street and made a right with another quick beat of his wings. Only a few more buildings down, past the chalk-covered sidewalks, the trees green as always, and… The house Steinar knew all too well. 

His concentration wavered, so caught in the sight of the place, while trying to land simultaneously. He overshot, ended up five apartments down on a bush, and crashed into the spiny twigs and berries without a trace of dignity. Steinar cried out, as he’d focused on transforming back to human earlier, and the sticks jabbed at the crevices and divots of his body like bolts of electricity. His clothes ended up being shredded in the process, and exposed for all the eye to see was Steinar in the ruin of his nightclothes. The wind nipped at him uninvitingly, lashing at his sore spots that shaped him back into human. All of this for Vasile, Steinar thought, gritting his teeth as his joints popped and arms burned from the effort before. All of this for Vasile Ionescu, the man he loved the most, the figure standing not too far away. 

_Everything hurt._ Steinar’s back, head, shoulders, legs. All of his body, and he’d saved how much time choosing to transform - five minutes? It didn't matter. He’d broken off into a sprint, closer and closer to where Vasile stood unaware, deaf to his footsteps or the rush that was Steinar’s breathing. 

His love. Steinar wanted his love to be safe and sound in his arms, with a good night kiss and a Norwegian lullaby. He wanted to share hot chocolate, star-filled nights camping under the stars, and wedding rings. 

One day, he would take his sweet love home.


	18. Nobody Wins Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steinar cracks in the middle of the night. Vasile is soon to follow.

It was like Vasile had had too much to drink - he felt tipsy, floating in and out of consciousness as he made his way, a bag of belongings in hand. Yet he knew the route to Steinar's place by heart, no matter what state of being he was in. But the driveway was as far as he’d got, and his head spun as a lone car sped by in front of him. Vasile took in a breath, trying to ground himself when each of his steps felt like air: it was like his lungs were failing him, stilling themselves without a single motivation to continue.

Suddenly manifested a tall, handsome man in tattered, scratched clothes, and sharing his exhaustion. The darkness concealed his features; yet who else would run to him at the most untimely hour in the day? Vasile knew who he was before anything else in the world. 

_ “Steinar?” _

Strong arms wrapped around him, and Vasile buried his nose into pine, wood, and smoke tinged with the most love one could muster. Steinar was the first to part from their embrace, sleep making his voice thick, and drained. “Yes, it’s me.”   


“Why did you wait?”

And why, why did Vasile have to hurt him so?

“Come on.” A hand joined with Vasile’s. “You know perfectly why I answered your call.”

A little  _ ‘you love me?’  _ rang through Vasile’s delirious mind, a clear ray of sunshine compared with how the night had unfolded. Steinar’s steps were shaky, pained, and Vasile fought so hard to steady them. They walked like drunkards, holding each other up as the haze of exhaustion threatened repeatedly to claim their minds, yet Vasile never wanted to let go. Two pairs of tired feet climbed up the stairs leading to Steinar’s apartment, with a little noise of effort coming from each heaving movement.  _ Transformation,  _ wasn’t it? That was how Steinar arrived so fast.

Vasile’s hand suddenly exposed itself to the cold air, as Steinar had let go to unlock the door, twist the handle, and bring them both inside. In the privacy of his friend’s home, he continued to stare at his feet. 

“What happened? Did your family say something again?” Steinar looked over at him, worry etched on his face with tight-knit brows. If this was another life, Steinar would never want to let go, and drag Vasile back to his room, but it was nothing short of impossible.

"I couldn't sleep because they were fighting. I don't know what about, but it might've been me. I'm sorry." What his parents, finally home together, had said went out the other ear. Swears, fractured promises, and angry screaming.

Vasile was no better than them,  _ using  _ Steinar, manipulating him. Both sides of their battle were losing, and Vasile wanted nothing more than a standstill, an imaginary treaty that could be signed to stop it all. 

After a few moments of silent acknowledgement, Steinar responded. “Where do you want to sleep today? I can go get you the blankets, unless you’d like my bed. I wouldn’t mind sleeping elsewhere.” 

Without words, he’d known not to dwell on the subject, and after knowing someone for over ten years it was only mutual. He didn't know what was preventing him from being with Steinar, whether it was the preciousness of their friendship he didn't want to lose, or that Vasile was so volatile he could shatter at any moment. But these were late night ruminations, unrealistic, toxic thoughts: Vasile shut them off. So in the middle of the night, drunk on emotion, Vasile did what he wanted. He tipped forward and squeezed Steinar into a hug…

Before he felt him stiffen, a plant withering without water. 

“Vasile...” Steinar whispered, his warm smile from earlier growing weak and trying. He blocked up his emotions; how could Vasile expect Steinar to simply accept the hug when he had been rejected twice? It was out of sight, and out of mind. “I'm sure it wasn’t your fault, what happened. It never is. Don’t think of it like that.” 

“I don’t wanna talk about what happened.” Vasile leaned his head under Steinar’s chin. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I’m sure it does. You can tell me when you’re ready, but I...just can't...I can't think right now, and I'm sure you’re tired too. So maybe it’s best to sleep right now, right?” Steinar cursed his heart for beating a little faster, with Vasile’s lips so close to his neck. No, he couldn’t think of that night  _ again _ , not now! One little picture shifted to another in Steinar’s mind, one of carrying Vasile back to his room, maybe  _ theirs _ , and falling asleep together to the sound of crickets in the summertime. With that, his heart cracked a little more. 

"W-What do you mean...sleep now?" If Vasile had been more conscious, not a single word would’ve left his mouth. He would've avoided Steinar like the fool he was, falling into a restless sleep on his couch. But his brain was stupid, just like his heart: it was cruel. He ran his hand along Steinar's back, feeling the soft ridges between his shoulder blades. Vasile’s cheek dipped down to rest under Steinar’s collarbones, lips ghosting a kiss as his other hand settled on his waist. "I...I came to see you. Spend th'night."

The only fluttering hope in Vasile's mind ignited at the feeling of a racing heartbeat against his, an irreplaceable warmth. 

"Vasile... _ Please!" _ Steinar choked back tears, feeling his friend advance on him like an old lover. “Stop!”

Vasile didn’t blink as the hands pushed his body away, his own empty without Steinar to fill them. It was foolish of him to expect anything in return. Steinar saw through him, that he was scared, and afraid of being alone. 

"If you can't calm down, I don't think it's going to work out. I'll let you stay a day here, but I don't know if I can anymore. You keep playing with my heart, Vasile. Please stop, it hurts so bad that I get up in the morning and my chest burns. I don't care if you want to love me now: what you told me and did before hurt like hell. Have I ever lied to you?”

Vasile's mind was empty. It was white noise and short circuits, all struggling in the battle for lost reason. Bits and pieces of what the man said floated in his mind, fell, and crashed. The shards of it ripped into his heart, but it would never be as close to how he’d left Steinar behind.

“Just give me time, Vasile, and don’t even think of kissing me.”

Vasile slumped down onto the floor, watching the unspoken words come as tears. "I didn't mean to play with you." 

_ So this was how it felt,  _ he thought, as his voice cracked into sobs, and his vision blurred. Crying wasn't the answer, and Steinar without answers was a human without a soul. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the tears stilled. Vasile fell silent. He touched his face, the moistness from his tears covering his cheek paired with the tang of salt in his mouth. 

Oh, how love ruined people.


	19. Little Rivulets, Moon Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There isn't only one heart that hurts. (Sorry for the short, late update of your favorite two saps.)

Steinar looked down at the man who looked like he was lost in the world without him. There it was, that burning urge to reach out and touch him, hug him, and tell him that everything would be alright...but he couldn't do that. Not now. 

He did it anyway, leaning down to pick Vasile up and wrap his arms around him Steinar’s nose nuzzled against Vasile’s neck. "Vasile...I'll be okay. You don't have to go anywhere. Please stay here, I worry about you...your safety. Your home isn't safe right now. Stay with me. You don’t have to be sorry about anything." 

Vasile’s sobs still shook him quietly; oh, what could it be? Steinar couldn’t make anyone love him back the way he loved him.

On heavy feet, Steinar carried Vasile, whose thighs were wrapped tightly around his waist. The steps he took brought them to the couch, where he rested Vasile’s head on pillows and laid his sweet love’s legs across his lap. "You'll only worry me more if you leave...because... I have to admit this now. I still love you, but it’s hard when you do all these things to me. Vasile, I really  _ do _ love you." 

Steinar smiled.

“Don’t cry! I hate it when you cry. And when you’re sad...I feel so empty.” Vasile reached his hand forward, gently, and wiped the rivulets away from Steinar’s face. 

He choked out a sob, sitting up to bury his face into Steinar’s shirt. “I’m  _ sorry! _ I’m sorry for...for confusing you. Confusing us. And if...If this is love...I can’t help but think...”

Steinar tried to smile, a broken misshapen crescent, as he patted the other's head. His hair was silk-soft, and he loved the feeling of his fingers running through Vasile's hair, but part of him still felt that what he was doing was illegal, trespassing on someone’s platonic care and trust. But Vasile was crying, and now, Steinar’s only remaining efforts were to rest easy. 

“Stei, if I was too immature, or too proud, or to stupid to see what I was doing...what I was doing to you... _ Please forgive me.” _

But then Vasile looked up, looking Steinar right in the eye, cradling his face with a trembling hand. Vasile couldn’t help but kiss him on the lips, even if the problem, the whirling cesspool of a problem between them, got worse - All this time, he’d wanted Steinar to kiss his worries away, and Steinar leaned into him like fire on a cold winter day. He gently tipped Vasile’s chin up staring into those watery reddish-brown eyes before meeting their lips again. 

They’d been kissing: nothing else could take Steinar’s breath away more. "I don't know how I feel about you, not like this. I’ll always care for you. I'll be here as your Steinar when you need me. You're always welcome to stay over."

P _ lease hold me again. _ Vasile kissed him on the forehead, wrapping his left arm around Steinar’s waist. Grazed the indentations on his skin with the tips of his fingers with his right, whispering so softly into the crook of his neck. “I  _ never _ wanted to hurt you. Please believe me. A thousand times over...I don’t know how else to say it. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for breaking your heart.” Vasile’s head settled onto Steinar’s chest, listening to the shakiness of his breathing. They were both so tired, of each other, and not having each other by their side simultaneously. Vasile kissed the spot right above Steinar’s heart and closed his eyes.

He, Steinar - so close yet so far. 

“I love you. I love you because you care for me and make me feel like the only person in your life.”


	20. Autumn Rains and Summer Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honesty cracks open - what so painfully rendered heartbreak can stitch two souls back up again. (School again...Consistent updates are getting pretty hard! Thanks for sticking along!)

Steinar kept him close in their embrace, tightly and protectively. "I know Vasile… It’s okay, but its getting late and I'm sure you want to sleep, do you not?" 

Vasile shifted in his arms. He’d told Steinar he loved him, and along it came the yearning to stay with him forever...But it was only right he got shut down.

No, Steinar couldn’t digest it yet - Vasile was tired, longing for warmth. He brushed Vasile's bangs away from his face. "Do you want to stay with me for today? I don't mind, I never will, but just make sure that this doesn't happen again. It’s hard trusting you now,  _ but I want to so badly _ .”

Clenching Steinar’s bicep, Vasile only felt the same fire.

“Vasile, you make my heart flutter and want to fly away from my chest, but...I need to understand what happened. Why did you choose to hide this from me, because how easier could things be if you _ didn’t?"  _

By now, how much time had passed, with no clock in sight and exhaustion still at his side, was still a question. But  _ anything _ for his Vasile, who needed him as badly as he did: yet it was such a shame these two yearnings were born differently in nature and nurture. There were plenty of nature documentaries documenting the calving of great Antarctic icebergs, where tons of ice would crack and fall into the sea. The fracture had built up from the warming temperature, but one day, the shelf had to fracture, joining the water as one.

In Steinar’s hands was Vasile’s face, glassy with tears, and he kissed him gently on the cheek. They were pink and ruddy with the timeless youth of their shared childhood, but oh, Steinar wondered how someone could look so beautiful crying.

_ I’ll hurt him again.  _ Vasile dreaded his own response, ready to disappoint and ready to cry another round. He took in a weak breath, his chest heaving yet buckling with shame from Steinar’s soulful eyes. “ Okay I’ll...try to tell you...and then we go to bed, okay?” 

Exhaustion slowed him. Vasile could only hope that Steinar, after all Vasile had put him through throughout the years, could hold still and listen. The time had arrived, and as Steinar gave him an affirming nod, he opened his mouth to speak. 

_ "Nu fi prost..." _

_ “Mămică, I know, I know! I’ll be good, I promise!” _

He was a kid again, in elementary, walking through the school gates with a navy blue backpack and a lunchbox in hand. The autumn air had settled in by now, and Vasile’s cheek was still moist from the kiss his mother had given him as he was dropped off to school. His class was small, with only nineteen kids, and each one Vasile was determined to know well. 

The details of that day’s project remained blurry in Vasile’s mind, but all he knew was that it was important, about science, and he’d been partnered with a boy named Steinar. He was someone Vasile had heard mentions of before, but it was their first year being in the same class together in third grade. 

Steinar had been so inexplicably shy, and it was difficult to get a few words out of him as Vasile constantly asked questions of how he was doing. Yet the phrases Steinar did say, Vasile agreed with and liked, and even then he thought of it as the beginning of their friendship. Their parents determined it would be a good idea at the time for the two of them to hang out, and work on the assignment together. Since then, neither had stopped visiting each other’s places. 

In the back of Vasile’s head lingered a scene on the patio, where hard rain began to fall, rainwater having stained the chalk drawings the two boys had created together. Vasile had been hoping for the sun to come the next day to see their story so lovingly decorating the front steps, but the rain beat them to it, washing away ever trace. 

_ “We should go inside, Vasile!” _

_ “But…” A nine-year-old Vasile bit his lip and stared at the unrecognizable markings of Mr. Vampire and his sidekick, North Wolf. Companions since birth, they traveled around the world by North Wolf’s special magic to defeat bad guys, but most importantly, help people out. Vasile added the second part - that was what real heroes did, after all. _

_ “It’s getting really cold out. Don’t people catch pneumonia from being in the rain?” Steinar’s skinny arms were wrapped around himself in an effort to stay warm. _

_ “Yeah...I think I told you that. You’re freezing, aren’t you?”  _

_ Steinar sighed, tapped his foot on the ground. He was already by the front door, as far away from the rain as possible. The winds were turbulent and skies a dreary, unforgiving gray, but inside Steinar’s house was warmth...and maybe a hot chocolate. _

_ Vasile looked at Steinar’s tousled blond curls, silently wished he had nice hair like him, and followed him back inside. _

From the couch, snuggled comfortably in Steinar’s arms and surrounded by his touch, Vasile spoke again. “Maybe...it doesn’t have to go this far back. I barely remember anything from when we were that young, and I hate that. It was so ordinary, anyway. Why’d I waste my time recalling that? I just remember I looked up to you. I wanted to make you happy. I would do the things you would do, and I liked it.”

Steinar kissed the top of his head. “Go on. Every story has its beginnings.”

Closing his eyes, Vasile remembered that seventh grade lunch periods...were for DND campaigns.

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, I don't speak Romanian _once again_ , but I figured French was close enough for Google Translate!

Nu fi prost = don't be stupid  


Yeah, you can see what type of Mom Vasile's is :) Oh, well.


	21. Flashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What truer words ring out than the ones of love?
> 
> (Kicked this one out in one sitting! Sorry for the late update, as other fic commitments and life got in the way again. Regular updates are coming soon. Time to give the two of them some positivity...And happy new year to all. <3)

_ “Goddammit.” Arthur scowled - they'd rolled a three, and that was  _ not _ going to get them past the ogre attack. Vasile giggled nervously because he’d just finished off their Dungeons and Dragons campaign by letting their two characters’ weapons get stolen away. It was nice, playing with the British boy, but he got really competitive and serious about the scenarios they played through. The Dungeon Master was usually Steinar, who could control the complicated world the game took place in very well...and also, his friends’ squabbling.  _

_ “Well, well, well. Our poor, exhausted, halfling and dwarf, with weakened defenses, are going to struggle to come up with a solution.” Steinar loved being the narrator, Vasile noted. “Perrin is going to make a tough choice. Try to jump off of the cart they’re in, which goes directly to the ogre stronghold, or risk falling into the freezing ice river? His stats look rather... _ unlucky.  _ This will be his only chance.”  _

_ Before Vasile could reach for the dice, Arthur snatched it right out of his hands.  _

_ “Hey...Come on, I’m not  _ that _ bad at rolling! And, wait...it’s  _ my _ character!” Vasile complained, reaching in vain for the twenty-sided dice in Arthur’s fist. From across the table, Vasile saw Steinar’s eyes crinkle up into a smile, and a little chuckle escaped from his lips. For a split second, he forgot about the dice, or their entire campaign - Arthur would give it back anyway - and admired the sight of Steinar’s rare laugh. Even Arthur, as brash and stubborn as he was, took a second to treasure it.  _

“It was like I could pinpoint the moment you realized that...we saw you laughing then.” Vasile touched the tip of Steinar’s upturned nose. “I knew I had to make you smile.”

“Isn’t that so sweet of you.” Steinar seemed relaxed - Vasile could hear his breathing, calm and steady. And if he was in the mood to tease, things between them had healed. “And so considerate, too.”

“Hey, this is all going to make sense!” Vasile protested, with a little flush on his face. “Like, in high school, the time my mom cut off me being able to drink the, erm, blood bags we had in the house.”

With a hum, Steinar remembered for a moment of what it was like for Vasile, how panicked he was with the additional stress of feeding himself. He let himself get lost in memory.

_ It was a spring afternoon, after school: Vasile had made sure the windows and blinds were all shut, along with his bedroom door. He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit, and sat back down on the bed to keep himself from pacing restlessly. “No, no, no. I’m not going to do it. I...I can’t bite you, right? Firstly, there’s always the risk of Turning someone.” _

_ Deciding to join Vasile on the foot of bed, Steinar spoke plainly. “You can’t Turn a shapeshifter. It’ll be fine.” _

_ It didn’t make the decision any less painful, in Vasile’s opinion - Biting  _ hurt. _ He was so afraid he’d lose control and drain Steinar entirely, killing his friend and leaving a murder case on his hands. Oh, why did he have to be a vampire?  _

_ “Come on.” Steinar wrapped an arm over his shoulders. “Take my wrist.” _

_ Instantly, Vasile backed away from him with a sudden jerk - “No!” _

_ He could hear the frustrated sigh from Steinar’s lips. They’d been going at this for the entire afternoon, the pull and tug of Steinar wanting Vasile to drink, and Vasile trying in vain to find another option. It was like dealing with a frightened dog.  _

_ “Get this over with, Vasile. You’re hungry, I’m tired, and one of those things can go away.” Steinar rolled down his sleeve and offered his forearm to his friend, who guiltily inhaled the smell like he was on hallucinogenics.  _

_ “Fuck! Just…Please, give me a moment…” _

_ They both knew it - Vasile was giving up, and the farther he moved away from the edge of the bed, the more Steinar would press forward. “I trust you, Vasile. Come here and bite me.” _

_ There was no stopping Vasile from licking his lips - his stomach was growling, and he was going insane from the urges beyond his control.  _

_ So maybe, it was time.  _

_ “I’m  _ really _ sorry about all of this, okay? Please don’t say a thing about it. Don’t tell my mom...she’d be so embarrassed and disappointed.” _

_ Before Steinar could shake his head and comfort him, Vasile had already taken his wrist up to his face. A wet, pink tongue licked Steinar’s pulse - he yelped at that, and the vampire apologized some more. “I’m just trying to find the right spot. Y-you have to bear with me, okay?” _

_ “I will.” _

_ A quiet pause elapsed between the two of them, and Vasile squeezed the flesh above his elbow.  _

_ He bit down, covering Steinar’s screams with his hand.  _

_ Guilt.  _ There it was, again, as clear as day. Steinar decided he hated it.

“I can’t believe I grew a dependency on you, but...I’ll always remember that you chose to trust me that day.” An innocent smile appeared on Vasile’s face, but a healthy amount of blood rushed to Steinar’s extremities thinking of it, and the time where Vasile realized it could get messy to the point where Steinar had to take his shirt off. Safe to say, no blood spilled that far.

“Well. I’m glad I didn’t make a mistake in letting you.” Steinar carefully omitted his own feelings of that day, because this was Vasile’s moment now.

"In the beginning, when we met, I thought that I wasn't good enough." Vasile turned red, and corrected himself. "In general, but especially towards you." 

Steinar was patiently listening, so he continued. "I didn't like how you made me feel. It was good. People don't usually make me feel the way you make me feel. Being with you was such a reward." 

He bit his lip, averting his gaze even further away from Steinar's. "And...it still is."

Steinar kept Vasile close against him, all snuggled up. It gave the simplest, purest happiness to be close with Vasile and hear his voice. He cupped his cheek. “Listen. I’m flattered you think that way. I love you. I really do. I enjoy my time with you, but the way you acted before, I thought it was more like a hard reject.” 

_ There’s no justifying this, you selfish prick. _ Vasile still tried, anyway. “We were friends. I wanted it to keep it that way, because bad things happen to people who love a vampire. I didn’t want to have to rely on you. That day, though…” Vasile’s smile vanished. “I knew it would never be the same.”

Was it really worth confessing everything to Steinar? But he was listening, listening with the utmost care and affection. Nothing could harm the two of them. “But then, after the first several times I needed you for blood, I noticed things. About you, us. How we both edged on something unknown...Not friends, yet still friends. Something new.”

He let out a nervous breath of air - Steinar entwined their fingers together. 

“I was scared of it. I was scared of what I might become, and of losing you. If I lost you because of my own personal feelings, and who I was...Steinar, it would’ve killed me.” 

A flickering of understanding flashed through Steinar’s eyes, because he’d heard all he needed to hear. Through his touch, Vasile understood the otherworldly care this man was capable of: the fingers at his cheek, gently caressing, or the hand pulling him in close. Vasile had never expected touch to be Steinar’s love language, or for Steinar to love him through and through at all.

They were warm, together. Vasile didn’t want anything more.


	22. Puzzle Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steinar's greatest wish comes true. Vasile is the genie.
> 
> (Gosh...I really need to finish this for once and for all! Shorter chapter again because school's been kicking me in the ass. Enjoy :) )

It took a moment for Steinar to speak again - the thoughts burned in his mind. He’d never taken in consideration Vasile’s vampire nature, and how it would affect him...but why should he, when such a fact was small and unnecessary? Steinar promised himself to not sleep until Vasile was well, in his arms. “I know it was probably too fast for me as well, but I didn't want the possibility of losing you to exist. That's why I confessed. We'd been friends for years, and God knows if you liked someone else, or maybe you weren't into guys.”

Thinking of all the time he spent in pining, Steinar wanted to cry all over again. "I don't know if you want to be with me. I just needed to speak.”

Vasile gave Steinar a soft grin, the corner of his eyes crinkling. “But...regardless of how  _ I _ feel...We’re here now, aren’t we?” 

He gave Steinar a soft punch on the shoulder before snuggling deeper against the man, deeper than he thought possible. 

“We are,” Steinar replied.

There was a kiss. Another one came, just as gentle, but far longer. Vasile couldn’t contain himself every time Steinar’s lips met his, because there were no nightmares anymore. So many pleasant dreams would await him, and the fairytales were true. The demons of his family life could be banished from his mind through the power of a magical love: everything would perfectly work out, and Vasile could dream of a future to be had.

“So...Could I sleep with you tonight?” Vasile quickly blushed. “A-And not in that way...” 

_ (Not yet.) _

“Oh, of course. Let’s head to bed.” Steinar grabbed his hand as they stood up, climbed the stairs, and opened the bedroom door. It was too good to be true, stumbling onto the sheets, while wrapped in each other’s embrace. 

_ Steinar’s bed,  _ Vasile thought. As if there couldn’t be a more familiar place.

The two of them landed, tangled in one another with breathless giggles and endless relief. 

_ Was it a first date? _ Steinar wondered, because the butterflies that came with this moment flew a similar course.Under the covers they loved, basked in each other’s warmth and company. Vasile nuzzled against Steinar’s chest, murmuring sweet nothings in his skin.

"That’s love, dear," Steinar whispered in a lazy response. The bed was warm and comfortable, but Vasile made it infinitely better, changing it into a safe haven where he wanted to stay for the rest of his life, where they would do nothing but stare into each other's eyes and share light kisses. Steinar moved over closer as he kissed Vasile's cheek, one of countless times. "Let's try to sleep now, yeah?"

“Feel...too great to sleep...” Vasile closed his eyes, a hand still comfortingly placed on the small of Steinar’s back. In an attempt to keep himself awake, Vasile touched noses with his... _ lover _ ...and filled the spaces he left empty. “You’re so warm, though.” 

_ And sturdy, really well built, and wonderfully handsome too. I wonder what you look like in a suit and tie. _

Steinar hummed at his compliment before winding his fingers into Vasile’s russet-brown hair, playing with it lightly. “I know...as good as it feels...just sleep.” 

Sleep called for him as he slowly fell into his slumber. It was comfortable: no longer did he have to call Vasile a friend again, and that made him blush. To be encased in a warmth, Vasile’s warmth, which slowly lulled him to sleep, was a paradise on Earth from the troubled time before. This was no yesterday.

So it was settled - they fell asleep as friends, and soon woke up in the morning in each other’s arms as lovers.


	23. Late Start for the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steinar hopes this is a taste of the perfect life he longs for. Vasile, on the other hand, is glad they made it together.
> 
> (Domestic fluff - and a longer chapter, too!  
> Edit 02/12/2021: I added a bit more to this chapter! It felt right to put it here and not in the next.)

The first thing Vasile saw was Steinar, and that was more than enough for him to know that all was right. Vasile poked Steinar’s nose after he himself had grumbled awake. Only a foot away from him, Steinar blinked his eyes several times, getting used to the illuminance that was entering from the curtains in his room. 

“Vasile.." he said groggily, turning over on his side.

“Steinar,” Vasile breathed, a smile playing out on his face: they were each other’s first person they wanted to see. But then Steinar watched him pale. Vasile shuffled closer. “Did you _transform_ last night when you came to see me?”

Steinar nodded. “I did, why do you ask-”

“Are...are you in pain?” 

“Oh, no, not really, I'm fine really. It was my first shift in a long time, so I should be fine. Don’t worry about me.” Steinar replied, hoping his white lie would go undetected. Other than being a bit sore, there was nothing wrong. He watched Vasile slip the blankets off of him, noticing his shirt had hiked up during his sleep. Quickly returning to look at his face, Steinar sighed, as much as he wanted to linger a little longer and observe. Vasile couldn’t stare at him with that frustratingly endearing perplexion of his forever. 

Were they at that stage, where kissing each other with morning breath was alright? Steinar settled for running a hand through Vasile’s hair - anything to touch him, soak in his presence. It was easily the most tranquil morning since he was a child, surrounded by nothing less than the most beautiful man he’d laid eyes on. He wanted to stay in bed with Vasile all day.

Vasile stayed silent for a bit, and averted his gaze. “Well...good to know that you’re good, right?” 

Stroking Steinar’s lightly freckled cheeks before noticing that his bare skin was out in the open, Vasile furiously turned pink. He pulled it down, hoping that Steinar didn’t see anything critical. 

The blond laughed, pinching Vasile’s cheeks. “You’re so cute, Vasile. Has that embarrassed you?” 

“Oh, shut up. I’m not embarrassed at all!” Vasile thought for a second, checking back at Steinar’s wry smile. 

Steinar couldn’t help it at all. “Oh yes, you _are,_ Vasile. I can see it written all over your face.” 

“Ugh, it’s...probably...past noon at this point...” There were things to be done, but Vasile would let them wait. So he rolled from his side up, to hover over Steinar, and smashed him into a hug. Nothing else mattered but them. The remaining guilt could be forgotten about, and it wouldn’t need to catch up to him, and ruin the precious scene unfolding before their eyes. 

“Steinar…” he whispered, trying again when the other man didn’t respond right away and instead kissed his shoulder. “Steinar. Shouldn’t we get up?”

The Norwegian man acquiesced, slowly nodding, hearing the birds chirp from behind the window. This was an odd happening, a wonderful dream where he fell in love with his...closest friend. Would there be a time where he _truly_ woke up? Getting out of bed, Steinar stretched his arms over his head before looking over at Vasile. “What do you want to do now? Are you hungry?” 

Vasile placed a hand on the other’s shoulder. “For food, yes. Not for anything else.” 

He remembered last time’s monthly incident, and couldn’t help but chuckle at everything that followed. So he got out of bed, hand in hand with Steinar (which was as cheesy and romantic as possible), and headed over to the fridge. There wasn’t much in it, truth be told, and that meant they would need to go job hunting for extra money. _Again._

"Well, I don't think you'd need any blood for awhile. You took mine not too long ago." He smiled at Vasile, leaning over to quickly peck his cheek. 

Swinging open the gray fridge, Steinar groaned. In the fridge was nothing but milk, a carton of eggs, some salad leaves, takeout leftovers, and other miscellaneous, non-substantial food. "Ah...is there nothing again? I guess the money's been a mess again. Shapeshifting causes me such pain, but I guess I have enough strength for us to go out to get groceries. What do you say, Vasile?"

“Let’s go, then.” Vasile chose not to worry, and trusted Steinar instead. It was decided, and with a burst of fuzzy feelings and joy they would go out. Together, today, as something new. 

Vasile didn’t want to bring up the topic, but he did. “So, I think I know what our next hustle should be.”

 _Money?_ What a drag. But they were shopping together, and it only seemed appropriate. Vasile chewed on his lip, looking back up at his...boyfriend.

“What's wrong? You’re biting your lip nervously again, and I know how that’s a nervous habit of yours.” Steinar knew it had been several days since he’d last gone out, maybe tried to look for job opportunities before getting questionable stares from people looking at his resume. There were other offers to try, of course, but he liked the spontaneity of never knowing where he’d work next, and going with Vasile as well. Honestly, it was mostly having a chance to be with Vasile, once Steinar thought about it. His mom helped him out occasionally with some expenses, so Steinar never had to fear hitting rock bottom, but perhaps a stable full-time job in the summer would do him good next year. Hopefully Vasile, as hard to employ as he was for being a vampire, could come along too. 

“No, no. Sorry for ruining the moment again.” Vasile smiled, and gently kissed Steinar. “Let’s go shopping first and I can make up my mind about this later.” 

“Wait. This is an important conversation to have. As well, I'm also kinda broke.” Steinar admitted, a bit embarrassed. He didn’t want to lose his apartment either, and rent would be due next month - it would be difficult to explain to his mom why he hadn’t picked up a gig or a new part-timer. And _crying_ over a boy? For Steinar, that was completely unheard of.

 _Maybe we should get along with our shopping trip,_ Vasile thought. “We can probably discuss...all of this later. It’ll sort itself out. And just tell your mom that you were helping me out and couldn’t help yourself in the process!”

The two of them laughed a bit at that - Steinar’s mom was a romantic, and getting him together with _someone_ was never too far from her mind. A thought snapped in Steinar’s head - their financial situation, Vasile and his dysfunctional family, and love. “Actually, are you still going to get your own place?” 

Vasile grimaced. “Oh, boy, I have no idea!” “If- if maybe when we, er...maybe _now_ we can move in, together.” Steinar’s cheeks rouged, and his heart beat faster. The world around him blurred: It was only Vasile and his pearly white fangs now.

Shocked, Vasile pulled Steinar close to him and stared into those brilliant blue eyes - the truth? Was this the final truth, a song to his old lonesome prayers at night that wished him to be masculine, or longed for his parents to accept him as who he was?

_ "I'd love to!" _ Vasile’s face cracked into a huge beam from ear-to-ear. "Steinar, I'd love to. Oh, God, I can’t even thank you, I wanna say yes so much!" 

Steinar could only manage a big blush on his face, followed by a kiss on Vasile’s cheek. His heart beat like a butterfly’s wings, warming his whole body in a mountain-level high. “You don't ever need to thank me.” 

Both of their wildest dreams - they came to life. They happened, they happened, and they happened.

“When can you move in?” Steinar shut the fridge door, and gently pressed Vasile against a slim section of the wall to the side of the back door in an attempt to hold him closer. 

Naturally, Vasile clasped their hands together. "A-any time. Now. I-I'll grab my things today and I can bring them over. I'll help you pay the rent and stuff, over fifty percent until we've settled in completely. And I hope you don't mind, I sing in the shower sometimes, and it can get pretty loud." 

_ Oh, Vasile.  _ “Don’t even worry: I’ll make more space for you. Since...we  _ will _ be sharing my room, right?” 

"Who are you, Steinar, being so amazing for me?" 

“How could I not?” 

Vasile raised the back of his boyfriend’s hand and kissed it tenderly, before turning to his lips with the same overflowing love. 

"God..." Vasile whispered, almost jokingly. "I think I love you."

Gently leaning over with a nun’s reverence to press his forehead against Vasile’s, Steinar breathed him and every inexplicable feeling that followed. 

“I would hope so.” 


End file.
